laced ivory

Heaven, Hell and Earth

2012-01-10T12:02:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I think that heaven, hell and earth are all in the same place because we are all capable of feeling the things we'd feel in these respective places right here where we are. I mean, those moments of bliss, happiness, peace and being free from worry are what we'd feel in heaven. The moments of hatred, jealousy, pain, anger, depression and bitterness are what we'd get in hell. Then there is earth, where everything jumbles up together just to confuse us.

The Chinese belief is that there are 7 levels of hell, the deepest one being the worst. I like to think of it as the 7 levels of suffering anyone could have. The more sins we commit, the more we suffer when we realise just how much we've hurt others (and get hurt equally much in return), and therefore the deeper the level of hell.

Whereas for heaven, it's subjective. A woman raped multiple times and living with Aids in Africa would see developed America as heaven. A child who has grown up under abusive parents will see the orphan as someone living in heaven. Perhaps heaven and enlightenment are the very same thing. For different people, being in heaven means different things simply because the way each individual construes true happiness is unique. It also seems that people are more familiar with the notion of hell than of heaven.

Come to think of it, there are so many more ways a person can be happy then not. A delicious treat, good weather, friends, accomplishments, love, charity, a beach house, shopping trips... all these and more give us varying types of joy. But suffering, on the other hand, can only come from self-centeredness, wanting to be the best in everything and above everybody else. Think about it: Jealousy towards the It-girl or the co-worker who got the promotion you wanted for yourself, anger at the person who did not do things the way you wanted, cheating spouses, guilt and regret at the way you maltreated someone with no chances of redemption.

Smiling requires less effort physically than frowning, so people really should just learn how to be happy. Then again, it seems complicated. Why is it that people can learn how to be happy, but not learn how to be unhappy? Does indulging in self-suffering come that naturally? I mean, if faced with the option of a yummy chocolate cake and a smelly piece of dump, we'd all choose the former. So why is it that in life, people more often than not pick the dump? It is a choice, not luck, that a person is content and feels blessed in life. I choose to smile. What about you?

In a Heartbeat

2011-12-28T13:24:00.000+08:00

My heart feels all warm and fuzzy inside. You know, the kind of feeling you get when you're with your boyfriend, or when a child plays with your hair. I don't know why it's doing this because nothing special is happening right now. It's been feeling this way for the past couple of days and it doesn't seem to be stopping. I wonder why.

Anyway, I want to get more makeup even though I've already got so much. I feel like getting the Skinsonic, new Sleek Makeup Shanghai lashes and probably more sparkly stuff. I destroyed my Eylure Naturalites lashes (Stupid, I tell you. I can't even begin to describe how wrongly destroyed they were.) and want new ones. I tried searching for replacements but they are so hard to find! So I suppose I should get more hardy lashes that don't die on me when I least expect them to. *Angry*

I also need occasions to wear special makeup to. I'm missing doing the smokey eye look! Or just something baboosh to perk up my day. Every time I go for too long with neutral or bland makeup, I get restless inside and I'll have this need to put on some false eyelashes, rub some black eyeshadow on and get those lips flashing bright. Is it just me or do girls generally feel the same?

A source of inspiration for the perfect face: Beauty and Make Up

Seriously, all the models have perfect made up looks that I'd love to try on myself and on others as well. Colours, shadows, colours and more colours! What will life be without them?

It's Christmas Eve at Home This Year

2011-12-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas eve but I'm not anywhere outside celebrating. I spent almost the entire day out today so I guess being home now is a nice switch. I have more things to write about for the beauty blog but I'm not in the mood for that now. After all, it is the Christmas weekend and my brain is telling me to take a break. A warm cup of green tea, a d.i.y. manicure on my bed, my trusty (or not) laptop with internet access, pineapple tarts, chocolates and Skype with the boyfriend (and his siblings and cousin) make for a warm, comfy Christmas eve night. ;)

So I've been up to quite a bit of things lately, the most tedious one being that I met my giveaway winners to pass them their goodie bags. There were a total of 10 winners and now I've just got 2 more left to give. But one of the winners hasn't responded to any of my emails so I think I'll pick another one. I also mailed out my Sleek Makeup palette for my second giveaway and it was to a girl in Romania! Made me miss my Romanian friends a lot. I would really like to visit the place some day. Timisoara, one day I'll come to you for sure!

I also won two other giveaways on other people's blogs! I won myself a Giorgio Armani eyeshadow and a Luxola goodie bag filled with tiny things like eyeshadow, shimmer powder, perfume sample and mini lip gloss! Well, I suppose Christmas is really all about the presents.

Two years have passed since I started writing on the beauty blog and my, what a nice thing I had done then! I'm really glad I got started with it because it made me realise how much I love doing that - investing in skincare and cosmetics and then writing about them so that people can read. I don't think I can ever stop with the blog; I feel that it's what keeps me going when it seems like nothing else is ever going to work out.

Anyway, I'm going to get some skincare mask thing going on, since it's so peaceful at home. So here's wishing everyone who reads this a very merry Christmas and a happy new year ahead. May all your wishes come true!

Anger

2011-12-20T12:39:00.003+08:00

Anger is such a destructive emotion. It's not only that, it is also useless to a very large extent, in my opinion.

It's true that anger sometimes helps people to see the real you and lets people know when they've offended someone. Anger lets people know which lines not to cross in a social setting. But play this emotion out too many times and people will just avoid you like the plague.

The last time I got angry was, let me see, in the summer of 2010 and it's all been a year and a half since. It was my boyfriend who bore the brunt but it wasn't without a reason. We were supposed to go to a pool party and I only had 5 minutes to get ready. I absolutely cannot stand being rushed and that's when he found out. I still remember it because on the same day, I got rope burn from two Huskies and the scar is still ever-so-present on my calf.

Anger dissolves relationships, whether it's between two lovers or friends. It's worst when it's between family members because while friends and lovers can leave you, family can never un-family you. It creates a hostile environment towards people who should otherwise mean the world to you. It creates wounds and leaves behind scars long after the wounds have healed. It reminds people of how badly you treat them and how you value (or not) the relationship you have. It pushes people away from you and if you aren't aware of the effect that your anger has on others, you'll be left wondering why people treat you with insensitivity and nonchalance.

You could be in trouble and people can see it; But they won't approach you to warn you because, who knows? You'll just lash out at them so why should they do it. And then, when you finally realise how much crap you're in, you'll just get angry again for not seeing it there before and at the people who saw it coming but didn't tell you. You'll just be angry all the time.

I don't lose my temper easily. As I mentioned, the last time I got angry was in the summer of 2010. I don't like being angry because it's really pointless. Instead of fuming your head off about something, it's much wiser to take productive action to solve the problem. If you can't change the way things happen, change the way you react to them. Being angry and staying angry leaves you breathless and not in a good way. Mentally, it's frustrating and your body also suffers physically. Some people can oppose this, but I feel that being mad about something drives you crazy with all that bad energy inside you and if you combine this with obstinacy, you're just doing yourself a disfavour and you'll end up really heaty inside (I suppose only Asians will understand this "heaty" thing).

Anger blinds people. They make people act irrationally and do things that they regret later on in life. Why people do not choose to live a life without regrets baffles me and I've spent countless hours pondering on this. But then I've come to the conclusion that to err is human after all and it's innate that people do stupid things. Anger can spread because when you get mad at someone for something ever so slight, they can get angry at you too for that unjustified prejudice you have towards them.

Anyhow, the bottom line is that I cannot stand angry people. Please go meditate or something.

Living the Life

2011-12-13T18:36:00.002+08:00

I am downing a cup of coffee right now as I type this. I just returned from a launch event and I've got about half an hour left before I hop on over to my next job.

Yes that's right. I just went to an event hosted by Clinique. It was Oscar-themed, so you can imagine the red - no, white - carpet and all the tons of photographers taking your picture while you walk down the carpet aisle. Include in that mental picture being chauffeured around in a mercedes. Glam! I had fun! I had fun preparing for the event, like choosing which dress to wear, the makeup to put on, and shoes to wear, the bag to carry, applying my anti-cellulite moisturiser (lol!) and all that.

I also got to meet other beauty bloggers and writers alike, as well as really big shots from the industry. I love doing this a whole lot! I get to talk things to people who know what I'm actually saying, and they are also people who are passionate about these things! Just talking to them makes me happy. Plus, it's always nice to meet new people and make new friends!

I feel like I am finally going somewhere with writing, whether it's in the realms of blogging or just writing in general. This is what I love doing and this is what I aspire to be doing even 30 years down the road. I'm living my dream life! I also feel great when people see me and can actually recognise me without me having to introduce myself first. And I also like it that I can show others that I practise what I preach, which is what I feel gains their trust in me as a beauty blogger.

Ok, time's about up. Gotta prepare for my next job. Will write again soon!

P.S. What do you think of this new, simplistic layout? xoxo

New Haircut but Less Roses

2011-12-12T20:13:00.002+08:00

Gosh, I'm so tired! Went for a haircut this afternoon with the sister at a new salon I've never been to before. The stylist we booked was a senior one and he's really good! I think I may be going back there again! :)

Came home and with the help of my mummy, the both of us pruned my rose plants. They look pretty bare now, as compared to when I first bought the pot home but I hope they will grow better from now!

I'm also doing quite a lot for the beauty blog and it seems to have paid off. I'm getting more fans via ads and giveaways and I'd love to give more! Well, once I can afford it financially I guess. I even got someone asking me for advice on building up a blog! :) I've still got so many things I'd like to get myself... for example some nice makeup books, the skinsonic system, a new foundation (which is more of a need), fairy drops mascara, the Chanel 2.55, a new car... Just thinking about this is making me so excited!

OK, I'll leave you here now. I've got to announce the results of my Maybelline giveaway!

Some Closure for the Year's End?

2011-12-04T11:22:00.001+08:00

So it seems the wait is almost over. I received the letter of offer that I had been waiting 2 months for. In that 2 months, I could really do nothing but wait because I simply couldn't imagine myself doing something else and committing to other things while this "thing" was not yet in black and white. At least now, I have better peace of mind and I am relieved. Maybe my life will just get better from now on.

Now I can see my dreams starting to be fulfilled. I am going to be able to invest more in my website and that's what I've always wanted.

Anyway, I went to Sentosa yesterday with some friends and actually ended up spending the entire day there from morning till night. Goodness me. I've not felt so relaxed in such a long while! Good riddance to studying my ass off all day! My life is just going to get better from now on and I can't wait!

It's already December and in a few weeks, it will be the new year. What will it bring? Reading my horoscopes for 2012, it seems that the new year will be way better than it was this year. I'm so excited. I also think that I'm going to need more coffee come January or so. :)

Need to Rant

2011-11-10T16:48:00.002+08:00

Man, I am so bored. There's so much a person can do while waiting for something. It's just I've been kept waiting for a long time and they aren't telling me how long more I have to wait even though I've asked. And there's nothing I can do about it. This is so unfair! It's like you're in a one-sided relationship where one person keeps stringing the other party along. WTF is this shit. Very pissed. I wish they'd show more empathy than nonchalance. And oh, what irony.

Chasing Empty Dreams

2011-11-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

"My life didn't please me, so I created my life." - Coco Chanel.

How many of us can say we've done this? This creating of our lives the way we want to lead them and not simply trailing behind - or worse, chasing after - the footprints of the humdrum life we imagine we were always supposed to live? Whatever happened to following our dreams and aspirations? Why did those who stopped halfway did what they did? Why did they not continue fighting for what they had wanted? Were their dreams ever real and did they even exist? If they did, where did they go to?

The reason I'm not working in certain industries is because, even though the money may be good, it just won't be me and I won't truly be happy. Why do we waste all our time trying to be the richest person in our society, the one with the highest reputation, the one who owns the biggest and most beautiful house, the one with countless assets when these don't truly matter? Why do people not see that if we live simply, we can be contented and not fret about not yet owning our Mercedes convertible?

In this Bhutanese's blog entry where he retorts a Singaporean minister on his opinions of the Bhutanese people, the painful distinction between the two cultures is very clearly made. The Bhutanese are simple people unlike us. They do not need the latest Prada to be happy. They don't even have to worry about things like health insurance, Medisave, COE and CPF. Why do we need all these things to keep check of our lives? Why do they seem to be so indispensable to us when there are indeed people who don't even need them to survive and be happy? Most importantly, why are these things controlling us?

We live in a pessimistic society. To us, if we don't have insurance for anything and everything, we might as well do nothing because we're too afraid of failure. It is exactly this fear that stops us from doing what we should be doing, and it leads us to take a long detour to prepare for the worst case scenario when we haven't even yet started out to do what we'd planned to. It is this fear that leads us to invest our time, money and effort into weaving a security net in case we fall; the irony being that we haven't even built the plank to walk on yet. By the time we realise what we've been doing all along, it is too late because the detour has already taken us too far.

Life is meant to be lived. It's meant to be experienced by all those who have the privilege of possessing it. I want to see what the world has to offer. I don't want to regret not having enjoyed life before death. More importantly, I don't want to spend my life preparing for death! Of course there are things in life that we have to be mindful about. Wills have to be written before the inevitable comes aknocking; insurance has to be bought for things we already own; quality time has to be spent with loved ones before anyone's time is up.

Stop and smell the roses, so the saying goes. But if the roses are not the kind and where you'd like them to be, you go buy some of your own and plant them where it would please you to see them. Make your own roses, is all that I'm saying, because otherwise, you'll never know for sure where life will give you some.

Blog Issues, Skin Issues and Letter Issues

2011-10-24T12:53:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Hmm, the past week had been good but it could have been better. For example, I could have gotten the letter from the guys who interviewed me two weeks ago (I still have 1 more week left to wait *fingers crossed*). My beauty blog suddenly dropped off the Google Search radar and I don't know why. It seems to be a robot.txt thingy but I don't know how to solve that. But maybe it's a blessing in disguise that things always happen to my blog because I get to learn about new web stuff like the Google Dance, robots, crawlers etc, which I would most probably never otherwise have heard of.

It seems like I'm just waiting and waiting and I want that letter to come now so I can have some answers. I also still want a nose job! Sigh. I suppose that will have to wait a couple of years when I can save up enough for it. With a new job, I'll be able to take up more French courses and refresh my memory of French. I really don't want to forget the things I've learnt in France in the past year! I still want to learn Korean and Spanish after. I love learning new languages and being able to converse in them!

On other issues, I've switched to a new facial cleanser from Avene and I really love it a whole lot. It's made my skin better, more radiant and scars are fading! I also break out less and my complexion has cleared. I don't know why I never tried this brand before. It's all thanks to Corinne dear, who recommended it to me when we met up after I returned from France. She really is an angel! And now that I've switched, my skin is back to being sensitive to alcohol and so I can't use my Diorskin Nude liquid foundation anymore. I will sell it together with some DIY hair dye that I got before but didn't use. I am thinking of switching to mineral foundation now that my skin is clearer and I don't have as much to cover up. I am really happy! At the moment, my MUFE Multi Loose Powder works fine but perhaps mineral foundation would be better for my skin.

Anyway, everything has got to wait till I get a real job and a real income. I'd be able to get my Nikon D5100, a tripod, a ring light, a mini studio for product shots, a Mac PC and a web host for my beauty blog (I'm thinking of switching to a WordPress blog because I find OnSugar quite unreliable). And a nose job, of course. I've always hated my nose!

OK. So here's to a better week (it's only Monday). I hope I'll get the letter I'm waiting for because that really could be the answer to everything in my life right now.

Trying to Get a New Start

2011-10-19T15:02:00.001+08:00

I am so pissed! I am in the midst of switching from OnSugar to WordPress and it seems like I am faced with several decisions to make:

1) Whether I want to make lacedivory into a .com instead of a .wordpress.com. This will cost US$17 a year.

2) Whether I want to have a premium layout (costs less than US$100) or not. If I choose not to, I'll have to purchase the Custom Design Upgrade, which costs US$30 a year. Either way, purchasing the CDU will be great for the blog's layout because I can customise it.

3) I don't have money for a blog right now so what do I do?! =(

4) I have just exported my OnSugar blog over to WordPress but it seems to have messed up the theme of the new blog as well (images not aligned, widget at the end of entries not showing up etc). Argh. Very confusing and complicated.

I am so sad! I never knew maintaining a blog was going to be this hard. But then again, I want to do this long term so I might as well do it right from the start. What should I do!!! Argh. *Headache*

The Most Irrelevant Interview Question and My Answer

2011-10-18T15:25:00.000+08:00

I've been to many an interview and sometimes, some of the questions are really irrelevant such that I don't know why they were asked. I've been to good interviews where I got grilled like crazy and just felt like I was being screwed in a way no one could ever do to me (no pun intended), and I've also been to lame interviews where I suspect the interviewers only had them because it was protocol. But the worst-ever interview question has got to be this:

"What are your weaknesses?"

No, seriously. Why in the world would I tell you my weaknesses? Why would I apply for a job in which my weaknesses would be an obstacle? Do you think I am stupid? Come on, everyone knows I'm just going to say a politically correct answer to that question and turn my so-called weaknesses into strengths. It's one of the top 10 skills every interviewee knows! Once when I got asked this question, I replied exasperatedly, "I don't know!"

You want to know what my weaknesses are? Well let me list them out for you and let's see if they are relevant at all to the job I could very well not get.

1) The colour pink. I go weak every time I see something pink. A piglet. A Vespa. A teacup. A muffin with pink swirly thingy on top, and silver and white icing balls.

2) Diamonds. Who would turn away one if it was given for free (of course, assuming it's not a blood diamond and you aren't being bribed)? Don't you lie to me.

3) Hot men. Sorry, but if you are the kind who like men instead of women and boys and you tell me you'd turn a hot one down, you must be blind. Or something. There is a reason gorgeous people earn big bucks ya?

4) Animals. I love animals because many times, they are more humane than humans. I can be doing anything in the world with full focus but once you place an animal in my sight, DANG! I'd turn my attention to that animal right away.

5) Food. Yummy food. Croissants. Noodles. Sashimi.

6) Makeup. Period.

So there. Now you tell me, how did I do?

On a Peaceful Monday Afternoon

2011-10-10T13:16:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I don't know why but I have this sudden feeling of happiness. It isn't overwhelming, this feeling inside, but it's there and I can feel it. Maybe the time for good things to happen has come. Maybe I'm finally getting to live the life that I've always wanted. Or maybe it's just really quiet today - no construction noises, no drilling and knockings, no excruciatingly loud drones of heavy vehicles on the road - and so things are pretty peaceful where I am. Yeah, I just cannot stand such destructive noises and it always makes me feel like those people are doing whatever they're doing to my brain as well. Many times, I wish to be whisked far away to some isolated, remote villa deep in the woods at the mountain top, with a beautiful view of the lake below. And maybe some deer for company. Sigh.

I finally got my first pay check from the two tuition students I have! I'm so happy hee hee hee! And one of these two actually asked me for even more classes for the next one month or so to prepare for her exams. I take this as a good sign because it must mean that she thinks I am really helping her with her grades! I also went for an interview for a teaching position and I'm not sure if it went well (you never know for sure, do you) but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I really hope they'd take me in to teach at the level I requested for! I've also actually applied to the Teach First program in the UK and if everything goes well, I might have to pick between these two. I think the one in the UK would be much more challenging though and I'm honestly not quite sure if I'll be up to it.

Anyway, I've got a few things up my sleeve today. Gotta trim my nails, blog about my new favourite clothing line, blog about my new lip butter, mail Xav my bank details to pay for my electricity bills and correspond with a company for their feature on Fever Avenue. Tata!

RIP Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T12:21:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

It seems like one big thing is happening after another big thing. So this morning I woke up and went through Twitter on my phone in bed and I came across this tweet from @BreakingNews: "AP: Doctors say cancer likely killed Steve Jobs; Apple, Jobs' family have not said what caused his death..." OMG. That sure woke me up!

Steve Jobs is dead?!?!

I can't believe it. Did he know it before, that he was going to die, when he quit Apple? Oh my, oh my! And just what am I doing in bed, still thinking I've got lots of spare time to laze around? This is a man who's been the best thing Earth has seen in our lifetime. He's a legacy; he's changed lives forever and now he's dead. And even when he's not among us anymore, he will forever be remembered in the hearts of all Apple fans worldwide.

What about me? I am just quite pathetic compared to him. Heck, I can't even be compared to him! He's achieved way more than I have at my age (though I must defend myself, that for a very long time till about 1 month ago, I'd been living someone else's fantasy life). He's such an inspiration and who knows what else he could have come up with if he were still going to live for 10 or even 30 more years!

It's time to stop being a little lost sheep and take FULL CONTROL of my own life. It's time to be serious and say to those who want my life to be lived their way, "This is no business of yours. Your opinions will not be heard nor taken into account any further from this moment onwards. If you think I'm not doing good enough for any reason, or if I'm not doing what you want me to, YOU go do it better yourself. You can leave now and shut the door behind you."

I still want to be nothing short of awesome in this life. I just wish I knew how.

Amanda Knox and the Italian Judiciary System

2011-10-04T16:10:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

It wasn't only till yesterday that I became strangely affixed on the Amanda Knox trial going on in Italy. I wanted to wait for the verdict to be out but it got dragged on for a little longer than expected so I just headed to bed. The first thing I did this morning when I woke up was to check "Amanda Knox" on Twitter to see what the outcome was (social media for the win). She'd been acquitted.

I'd known this would be the case. Why? Simply because there was not enough evidence against her to prove that she was indeed guilty. During the entire 4 years of trial and hearings, many things were said and then later changed. With the only witness who did murder Meredith Kercher being an unreliable source of information, plus the highly unprofessional methods used in exhibit collection by the Italian police, there was no doubt that the prosecutor did not have a strong case.

I can't say for sure if Knox was guilty or not but my instincts tell me that she wasn't. Even if she had been, she cannot be punished in jail because there was not enough evidence. I think that the main problem of this high-interest case was the way the exhibits were handled. Contamination proved to be a huge obstacle throughout. WHY was Kercher's bra only collected 46 days after the discovery of the murder, especially since it was initially suspected to be an orgy-gone-wrong? Lack of DNA or otherwise would probably not have been reliable because both Knox and Kercher lived in the same house and therefore it would have been perfectly normal for Knox's DNA to be found on anything and everything in the place! Also, just because Knox was known to engage in casual sex with many partners does not mean she is, in layman terms, a "bad person." I don't think porn stars are equally capable of murder either. Furthermore, comparing the amount of evidence against Rudy Guede versus that against Knox, we can easily tell that there is a striking difference between the two, i.e. that Guede was definitely guilty of the charges while Knox was either not guilty or that the outcome was inconclusive.

While Kercher's family wants justice to be served for the murder of their loved one and for the original sentence to stand, I feel that it is important for everyone to realise that justice also means that the innocent go free and that if Knox was innocent, she should never have been nor be made to suffer. It would be extremely ironic for the Kerchers to want to induce suffering on a young girl when one of their own had been the victim of an unnecessary and ruthless crime. Innocent until proven guilty is the rule. The opposite cannot be true because otherwise it would mean that everyone on Earth is guilty of murdering someone else unless it can be proven that we did not, and until this is proven, we are all murderers.

Some questions still linger on in my mind, such as whether a psychiatrist was ever called to take the stand to examine Knox's insensitive behaviours on several occasions and her mental state in general. Why was it allowed that Knox and Sollecito were initially interrogated without a lawyer present? Why was it not the proper personnel collecting the evidence at the crime scene and why was the collection done so haphazardly? Why was Giuliano Mignini allowed to even be involved in this case, since he had been convicted of malpractice when Guege was brought into the picture? Could the sudden popping up of Kercher's bra have anything to do with him? Was Guede manipulated into pointing out Knox and Sollecito as accomplices later on in the trial in return for a shortened sentence? Finally, if Guede was not a reliable information source, why were his accusations on the couple even considered?

The entire case has garnered quite a bit of international attention, which has cast a stong light on the Italian justice system. Under the glaring watch of civilians and lawmakers alike all around the globe, the Italians have faced a great amount of stress to perform befittingly and they should have done so right from the start. It is, after all, a justice system and if even it cannot be true to its values, then a society as such is doomed to corruption. It is also a great opportunity to reflect on the issues that have arisen from this event and lessons for everyone can be learnt.

Finally, why is everyone so obsessed over Knox and not Sollecito? LOL.

A Life I am Happy to Live

2011-09-21T21:40:00.001+08:00

Dear Diary,

I am filled with a sudden gratitude that my life is finally looking the way it should. Ever since I made the really difficult decision to not pursue a PhD and instead go into private education in Singapore, I somehow feel that my life is a little more complete and I am more at peace with myself.

I'm not longer angry at the world, nor angry at the circumstances that I'm in. I am finally making my own decisions based on my own ideas and nobody else's. I am not working for any boss. I am not confined in a small amount of space and having to work fixed hours all day long under conditions that I don't like (i.e. air conditioning too cold, not sufficient air circulation in the office building which leads to spreading of viruses, having to eat lunch with people I absolutely have nothing in common to talk about with... etc). The amount I earn each month is proportional to the amount of work I put in. I am appreciated for what I do. I command my own salary. I work on my own devices and on my own terms. I suppose this is what all that independence has taught me over the months and years. I am finally free and this is freedom I have rightfully earned!

So I am very happy and satisfied with the way things have turned out. Besides working, I also have some time to write, which is what I like to do and which is what I hope can land me some freelance writing jobs too. Simply because I love writing. And I can also brainstorm for my future fairy tale novel. Suddenly everything seems to be falling nicely into place. Sure, the boyfriend's still far away but I hope that it won't be for long now. Also, I still need that Nikon, Mac... LOL. But I know that I just have to carry on doing what I do, and the money will come. I won't turn into a millionaire overnight, but surely it will come.

And thus, for today, if you are someone out there reading this, I just have one word of advice for you:

Just keep doing what you do and you will get there one day.

Alright, I'm going to pamper myself with Crabtree & Evelyn's shower gel and body lotion from their new Pomegranate, Argan and Grapeseed range! I really love it!

One Day.

2011-09-13T21:02:00.001+08:00

Dear Diary,

One day, and I hope it won't be too long from now, I would like to own my own dressing table. A dressing table that would hold a vanity mirror, my perfumes in front of it and my makeup in various drawers along the sides. A dressing table so white and pure that it makes everything else seem like they belong in heaven together with it. A dressing table of vintage make but one that I can afford.

One day, I would like to have my own wardrobe. A place where I can hang my clothes the way I want on hangers that I want. It would look as pretty as my white dressing table - white and vintage. A full length mirror on the inside of one of the swing doors would be just fine too.

One day, I would also like to have a day bed right by the window of my room, just where the sunlight shines in. A day bed so nice and comfy that I can fall asleep in while day dreaming on it.A day bed where I can play with my cat. Did I mention that I want a cat too?

And one day, apart from all these, I would like to be successful and happy.

I Fit into Clothes for 12-Year-Olds

2011-09-04T16:56:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I wish I'd remained anonymous on this blog so that I could write whatever I wanted without being judged in "real life" for it. But I'd also wanted to share my travel experiences here with my friends then, so I made it known that I am the sole author. But nowadays, I'm back to being lazy in uploading pictures here, especially since I have TONS and I put them up on Facebook anyway.

Well, there haven't been much updates since the last entry besides the fact that I now have an appointment for a dental consultation about my wisdom teeth and possibly 2 job interviews in the coming days. I also just did a photo shoot for a friend's friend's school project, where I wore someone's old PRIMARY SCHOOL uniform. I guess I haven't grown much since then. Where did that growth spurt go to?

I went to KPO on Friday night. It was my first time there and my, all that luxurious sports cars and I felt so out of place, being, quite possibly, the ONLY person wearing flip flops in there. Flip flops. I don't think anyone ever wears those to KPO and I actually thought I mightn't have been allowed in. But it was a good night, filled with lots of free drinks, political discussions and networking opportunities. I really should get my name cards printed out. They may not be much, but at least they'd get me out there right? I am thinking of even adding a crystal to each of my cards to make them more special, customised and "me." I mean, now that I have the time.

Perhaps once I get a job, things won't look so bad anymore. Till then, I'll probably just enjoy my time here because I never know what's going to happen next.

A PhD in Geneva?

2011-08-31T14:11:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

Since I've already told my family, the boyfriend and bff about it, I suppose it's safe to write it out now. I got the PhD offer in Geneva!

Now it may sound exciting, and maybe it is, but I've been telling myself ever since the day of the interview that I would not get it. So the whole time, I was preparing myself mentally for the time when I'd receive the email that would contain the word "unfortunately." That email never came. Instead, I got an email with "Congratulations" as the subject. Now how 'bout that.

The thing is, I kind of had my sights set on a job in Singapore even though I haven't got a response to my application. I'd miss my family, friends and life here in Singapore. I didn't know how much I was missing it all till the day I came back two weeks ago. Now that I'm back, I kind of don't want to leave. It feels like too short a time to be back with my family!

Furthermore, a PhD is 3 years of commitment. That's a long time to be away, of course, I could always come back in the summer and they could always come visit in the winter holidays. I'm also not sure I can do a PhD. It's a lot of work! And once I obtain the status of Doctor, what can I do with that? No one will hire me because I'll be too qualified!

On the other hand, I need the money and I can't live off my parents forever. I need a good camera for my makeup site. Perhaps things will fall into place while I'm at it?

I'm really lost at the moment... so.

Since Then...

2011-08-15T22:54:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm home! I can't believe it. It feels like nothing's changed but yet something slight has. Weird.

Anyway, I got to eat some things from my To-eat list! I had Korean ramyun, Macs breakfast and chai tow kway! Finally! I'm now starving again, just thinking of all the others I've yet to eat.

I really don't know what to write in this blog anymore. It seems that I'm doing most of my writing in the other blog and also on Fever Avenue. Private thoughts cannot go in here because too many people have access to this now. Argh. And I am tired of changing my blog address! So I'll just write basic stuff.

I went to Villars with Xav and his family two weeks ago for about 5 days. It was a nice, relaxing, fun time in the country side. I miss the great, quiet fields that go on and on and end in the distance with the spotting of some cottages, the TGV railway and the wide, blue sky. But I sure do not miss the bites I got on my thighs! Stupid bugs. I hate bugs! They bite for no reason and I end up with unsightly SPOTS that never go away! ARGH! Oh, by the way, did I mention the mole hills? They are freaking cute and they come in groups!

After that, I had a one-day interview in Geneva for a PhD position in a laboratory there. I still don't know what the results will be but I am really praying I get an offer! I really need this financial independence! I also need to pay off my study loan and have money to give to my parents. I'd also like to be able to support my siblings when they go overseas for internships or exchange programs!

And then, Xav and I went to Prague for a short holiday. We also dropped by Kutna Hora, a historical town near the edge of Prague. It was a magical time and the city of Prague is so beautiful! I miss being in Europe! Sigh. How I wish I could go back there again to live! I mean, Singapore is good too, but it's too stressful for me here. Oh well!

Life Now is Great

2011-07-25T19:26:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm on holidays! My internship has finally ended! I'm so happy because this means my Masters is officially over and I am on my to the next stage in life! Excited max. =)

Oh how I have missed the brunch-tea-supper routine! Plus, I now have much more time to write and blog! I've got all these article ideas and now I've also got the time to write them out. I'm still pretty excited that I'm an editor on Fever Avenue because this means that my articles will reach out to more people and have a greater impact in general. I mean, the goal of all writers is to get their work published to as large an audience as possible. And I'm on my way there. =)

Also, Xav and I are planning a trip to Prague in 2 weeks! I'm so excited! Hahahahah. I know, I am bursting out into spasms. Next week, we're all going to visit his grandparents. Then to Prague, arguably the most beautiful city in the whole of Europe! We did consider other places like Marrakesh, Greek cities, Rome, Lisbon etc but they were too expensive for us, especially when we're not big earners. So Prague it was, we decided. We found the offer on Lastminute.com, like we did the other time to go to Belgium.

Anyway, what matters now is that I'm on holidays and my mind is clear and I ready for the next level! I'll blog soon here!

My Current to-eat List

2011-07-21T21:22:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I miss home food like crazy! Things I want to eat now:

1) A1 curry puffs with egg
2) Myojo Mee Pok Dry
3) Prawn noodles with soup and prawns with no shit
4) Durian puffs
5) Wanton noodles
6) Hainanese chicken rice with lots of light sauce and no bones
7) Korean ramen
8) Ippudo ramen (tonkatsu, miso, butter...)
9) Mee siam
10) Macs breakfast
11) Minced pork zok
12) Fried carrot cake with black sauce and cai poh

13) Chee cheong fun with black sauce

OK that's it for now. I am soooo hungry!

Still Trying to Sort My Life out

2011-07-19T20:38:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

My, how busy have I been! I've been applying to as many PhD offers as I possibly can but nothing so far. I don't quite like this. The second intake season is in September, after the August holiday but I don't want to wait till that long to find a job! Anyway there is only this much I can do for myself. I'll leave the rest up to what life has in store for me!

I also went to Musilac over the long weekend. It was fun and it helped me to really let loose and just enjoy. =) When is the next festival?

I'm missing home quite badly because it's been very close to a year since I got to France and it's a little too much French! I need a breather before I return to the land of wine. I hope I return!!!

So there's nothing really exciting happening in my life right now. That's why my blog entries have been sparse and few in between. In the past 11 months, I've only been out of France once. I've not even watched the last instalment of Harry Potter. I suppose I'll be blogging more often once my future has been more or less sorted out.

Can't Tomorrow Come any Faster

2011-06-23T16:29:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

It's another rainy, cloudy morning here in Grenoble. I'm not going to the lab today because I'll be preparing for my oral defence at home. Oh how I wish it were already over! Most of the other people are finished with their defence. I'm one of the last few! Gosh. The bad thing about having it towards the end is that I have all this time to prepare for it but really, who really prepares THAT much? It's like I'm tied down until this is over but at the same time, I can't really be tied down. I get restless that easily. And I'm also super stressed and keep having nightmares, especially about sitting for a MATH exam! It's always a math exam! And I know nothing about math! So in my dreams I was always trying to ask my friends for answers. LOL.

Anyway, I've been applying for jobs and not getting them. Maybe I really should do a PhD instead if I want to continue living in France. But it's a PhD. I really don't like it and the pay is not proportional to the amount of effort put into it. But I think the question now is which one do I not like more: doing a PhD in France or living in Sg. Both are equally bad!!!! Maybe I should work for a few years, pay off my study debt and then open a franchise somewhere.

Oh my, what do I do???

It's Friday, Friday, Friday in Two days.

2011-06-23T05:37:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

OMG. It's finally coming to an end! After Friday, this will be over.

This week has been a shitty one so far. And the week before too, if you can say it that way. Handing in a non-perfect thesis (and you know how much of a perfectionist I am), getting asked a crazy question and getting shot by an AK47 in front of the entire lab (not literally), having to take a bus to Lyon because the train tracks had an electrical fault, going to Lyon for the music festival only to not attend because it rained (thunderstorm with lightning) the entire night and having to walk home all the way from the train station because they were doing some works on the tram lines. And today is only Wednesday. If this is any indication, Friday is going to be a terrible day for me too. Sometimes, I don't feel like I'm living in a first world country. I'm just saying. Or maybe I've just been too spoilt.

I really want to get a job. I mean, I did this masters only because I wanted better job prospects than what a normal honours degree would get me. For a moment, I thought of getting a PhD so everyone would think I was awesome. But then, actually I think I can be awesome in other ways too. And I really don't want to waste my youth doing a PhD.

I think my problem is that I want to achieve too much in life too soon. I'm afraid of being the old woman in her 80s who's achieved nothing in her life and so she will just rot to death in her own house. Or worse still, in a nursing home. I hate nursing homes. I want to do all these things and see results right now. And in trying to do all of them at once, I end up having too much to deal with, and so I end up sucking at them. So from now on, I think I will just take things slowly.

I'm Too Stressed

2011-06-20T15:55:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I miss all my friends back home! I'm envious of those at home who can just meet up for dinner and then a movie after work any day of the week! I also miss the food and shopping and speaking singlish. Anyway, a few more weeks left before I hop on a plane and come on home. I can't wait to see all my lovelies again.

I am soooo stressed and unmotivated right now. Work is giving me too much stress, such that I am backing away from it. It's even giving me nightmares and some are really morbid, I don't think anyone else can dream such crazy stuff! Please just let the oral defence come now. Why has it got to wait till Friday?

Anyway, I did some shopping over the weekend in Lyon. Actually I hadn't planned on going over this weekend because I had a presentation to make but I'm glad I did. I got to play with the new family cat! His claws are a little scary though. But he's reeeaaally hyper and curious about everything and he's exploring everything that he sees, including my bras and underwear, which we found fallen from the second storey after we returned from an afternoon downtown. He's also learning that he's able to scratch the sofas and attack Ulan's fluffy tail. At the moment, he's 4 months old and Xav is still trying to toilet train him. Oh yes, his name is Pom. How cute.

So back to shopping. I got a new maxi dress from H&M! I'm always on the lookout for good investment pieces even though I won't get to wear them soon. I'm glad I got this one. I don't quite like living in the mountains. I mean, I'm not exactly on a mountain but you'll know what I mean when you google Grenoble. It's no fun at all, especially since I'm paid minimal wages, uber stressed and nobody else bothers to dress up. What can you do when you're in a society where nobody bothers to set themselves apart from others?

We wanted to watch the latest Pirates movie too but guess what? No "version originale!" France, you seriously gotta catch up! How is it that there is the french version but not the original one? There are French people here who prefer watching movies in their original versions too, you know.

Fine, I need some retail therapy.

Busy Busy Busy!

2011-06-17T05:25:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

OMG. I've been so busy this month I can barely breathe! My thesis will be submitted tomorrow by hook or by crook and then maybe I can take half a day off, before I start making my presentation slides. I've got to make a presentation on Tuesday and then the same one on Friday next week! And then after that, I will finally be done with my Masters and life will be filled with flying unicorns and rainbows and fairy dust!

I can't wait. I am in the midst of applying for jobs now. I'm actually waiting for tomorrow when I have my final version of my thesis so that I can send it together with my CV and motivation letters in my future job applications. I think I would do very well in scientific editing or writing! I'm glad that I've opened my eyes and chosen this path. Now I just have to find one that will let me walk on it.

Anyway, I am super super tired. I'm trying my best not to be stressed because people who are stressed are never nice people to hang around with. Also, stressed people piss me off so why would I want to piss myself off? OK. I shall head to bed now. Need some energy in the morning tomorrow! Ta ta!

Oh No!

2011-06-10T00:29:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I am not ready to come home yet! I just got news that I hadn't gotten the grant that I'd applied for... But there's still the other one and the results for that aren't going to be out till 2 weeks time. This just means I better jump back on the phd search wagon.

No, I am so not ready to come home! There's so much more I want to see here before I return. So many things to do, to eat, to visit, to learn. It's not time to return! I really hope I get the second grant I applied for.

This also means it's time to apply for another project. Rush rush rush! Rush rush rush!

I Love Belgium

2011-06-08T15:02:00.005+08:00

Dear Diary,

It's early in the morning but it's raining - has been so everyday for a while now.

Xav and I went to Belgium last weekend. We made good use of the 3-4 days we were there. We stayed mainly in Brussels and spent a day at Bruges too. I love Belgium! Oh wow. The towns are so quiet even on Fridays and Saturdays. We were wondering if we were at the right place in town. It was soooo nice and very different from what I'm used to! Furthermore, apart from the business district in Brussels, there weren't any tall buildings, apartments or offices, anywhere else! Everything else was cottages or houses that were really old but super well kept. It was like the 18th century come to life. A fairy tale.

I'll post up some pictures soon. Am too busy to blog, really! I haven't much time to myself since I started on my report and trying to get at least some results from my experiments.

Wars

2011-05-19T04:43:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm writing in the dark because I hadn't expected to blog when I switched the lights off to sleep. But then I stumbled across Einstein's essay and was inspired to write. This time, I'm writing about wars.

As Einstein hates what he calls "the military system," so do I. Well, to a certain extent, that is. You see, where there are wars, there will be battlefield fights. Where there are battlefield fights, there will be killings and senseless shootings and grenade throwing. To quote him:

"This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of herd life, the military system, which I abhor... This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"

If there were no wars, there would no be no need for armies to fight and defend. Then people wouldn't be complaining about how they've lost loved ones in war, loved ones who volunteered to go to war. I mean, if you know someone is going to join the army, then you might as well think him/her dead because the chances of that person dying in service is so high! It's not fair to those who have to listen to you talk about losing that person to war. What, are we supposed to feel sympathetic towards you? I won't, for sure, because I know that death is definitely to be expected when you go to war! Truth be told, I would feel more sorry for you if you were to tell me that someone you love is going to join the army than having died in a warzone.

Who are the ones who create these wars? It is we humans ourselves. Not the lion at the zoo, not the zebras in the wild and definitely not the aliens in space. I don't see flocks of birds going at each other in the air. I don't see different colonies of ants fighting each other on the ground. I don't see herds of elephants trying to run each other down.

Simply put, I believe war is created from human greed. When we can't get what we want, we use all means and ways to get them and sometimes we do it unscrupulously. That's why we have wars. That's why we need armies not only to do the dirty deed, but also to protect what we have in case someone else tries to take it away from us.

All in all, I don't think there will be a day when war doesn't exist in this world, as long as we humans are still here. Because after all, to err is human.

Don't be a Prisoner of Your Inactions: My Quarter-Life Crisis Breakdown

2011-05-11T19:20:00.009+08:00

Dear Diary,

The more I think about it, the more I arrive at the conclusion that I had indeed gone through a quarter-life crisis. Read the article here (from New Scientist). From the article, it states that the stages one goes through during such a crisis is as follows:

Phase 1 - A feeling of being trapped by your life choices. Feeling as though you are living your life on autopilot.

Phase 2 - A rising sense of "I've got to get out" and the feeling that you can change your life.

Phase 3 - Quitting the job or relationship or whatever else is making you feel trapped and embarking on a "time out" period where you try out new experiences to find out who you want to be.

Phase 4 - Rebuilding your life.

Phase 5 - Developing new commitments more attuned to your interests and aspirations.

For me, Phase 1 was when I had graduated and just started working as a forensic scientist, to be exact. Those few months were short but agonising in every way possible. I did feel like I was trapped. I was leading a life where everything was perfectly in place - university degree, government job, stable income, plus I was of a young age to boot. But everything on the inside of me was crumbling and that part was what people could not see and did not know.

Then Phase 2 began and I started making up scenarios in my head. I knew I wasn't happy where I was. I knew I could do so much more with my life than just settle with what I had and lead the rest of my life just as others had planned for me. If I wanted a change in my life, I had to do it soon or risk getting stuck in this stage forever. "You are the master of your own destiny-" this holds so true.

So Phase 3 arrived and I quit my job after 6 months. I chose a good time to quit because it was right after the Chinese New Year and what better time for a fresh start, since I didn't make it in time for January the first. Plus, I got the extra pay from the CNY holiday and I sure as hell deserved it, for all the mind wrecking I experienced during that 6 months. The time-out period was to be for another 5 months (or maybe even more), where I started doing new things, continuously rethought my actions and reflected on everything that happened.

It was during this phase where I found out that my parents had no clue what was going on inside my head and heart. Yet I couldn't blame them for not knowing because when I was going through depression through my teenaged years, they didn't know it then either. There was a great conflict of thoughts between us and I decided to leave home. Of course, not in the sense that I ran away from home and left a note and such. I decided to pursue my Masters in France - the only legible way my parents would agree to having me away for a prolonged period and also have a peace of mind ("She's studying for her future." etc). Also, it was the only way I could think of that would leave me alone and far away from distractions so I could piece my life together again.

(Note: I had also gone to Canada for about 2 months before I headed to France, and I felt much better there. When it was time to return home, a heavy sinking feeling clouded over me and I KNEW it then that leaving home was exactly what I needed to do.)

The first half of my time in France was a combination of Phase 3 and 4 and a slow but sure transition from one phase to the next. It was a tough fight and I often found myself wondering if this was what I wanted my life to be like and for a long while, I actually did stop to think about what I really wanted. Of course, as always, kids are dying in Africa, fighting in wars etc but hey, I come from a different world and so I have different problems as well. I am not fighting to survive but I am fighting to live. Sadly, not many people know the difference between the two and think that fighting to survive and never stopping to prepare for the worst equates living. I assure you it is not.

As I am writing this, I am going from Phase 4 to 5 and I am getting pretty excited about it. Yes, for some part, I am also a little apprehensive because nobody really knows what the future brings. Maybe tomorrow I will meet with a car accident and die. Maybe a trip to the doctor's will inform me I have terminal cancer. Or maybe someone throws acid in my face next week. The point is, that if something crazy like that happens now, I wouldn't want to regret not having lived before.

I am rebuilding my life. I've been through what could be the most difficult part in my life and I'm not letting go of what I have achieved during those times. Phase 5 would be when I finally have a job that I actually like and can envision myself doing until my old age and health can no longer permit. I can see it coming, I'm nearing the end of the tunnel now and I'm not stopping till I get there.

I suppose my quarter-life crisis came a little bit early but then again, almost everything happens to me early. I attribute it to my "foresight". As in, I tend to think ahead of time. So it surprises me somewhat that my peers don't have this issue about themselves. They all seem happy and contented with what they have and don't seem to really want to achieve more. Or maybe, just maybe, they are still at Phase 1?

The Weekend That's Just Passed

2011-05-09T05:51:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

This weekend was crazy. There was the general elections back home and I was keeping a close eye on it on Saturday with the family via Skype. I guess you could say it was part of family bonding! LOL. Anyway, I feel so cut off from the world whenever I don't get internet for more than a few hours.

In the coming weekend, I'm going to Paris with Xav to meet Algin and whoever's going there with her. I hope nothing goes wrong and that I can at least meet up with her! I'm really missing my friends back home. Xav booked the hotel and tickets so I just have to be present. :)

And the weekend after, we're going to his grandparents' place, which is in a farm! The previous time we went, there were cows and all that. It was nice and I suppose it would be nice this time round too. I have to get my Mother's Day presents ready for that weekend though! Oh, talking about Mother's Day, I ordered some flowers to be delivered home on Saturday for my mum! I ordered it along with a box of Brand's Chicken Essence with Lingzhi. I think I might be a little crazy because I was so excited for her to see her presents! LOL. Actually I am a little crazy every time I get presents for people because I like it when they get all happy when they receive them. I mean, i imagine myself receiving those things and I know I'd be happy.

Anyway, I might be meeting another friend in Paris for a weekend too in June, but that's not confirmed yet. At the moment, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for my PhD application. I really hope to get it!

And I miss shopping like crazy!!!!!!! I haven't had a good shopping session in such a loooong time! I need to get some new clothes and bags. And I need to get shoes. And erm... makeup too! Oh sigh.

Nearing the End of the Crossroads

2011-04-28T01:15:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I am having trouble switching back to the English keyboard yet again. This happens to me pretty often now that I think I am more accustomed to the French one than this. Not very good. I've half given up trying to improve my French. Not taking French classes is stupid and pointless when I want to improve on the language.

Anyway, I want to bake! I wish I had an oven so I could make yummy pastries like Shepard's Pie, macaroons, cakes and more. But mostly for the Shepard's Pie. LOL.

I think I'm at the point in life where I'm at the crossroads and almost ready to take a route that leads to the next phase of my life. I've been at this junction for long enough! I'm pretty excited but one wrong move and everything could go bad. I guess that's what's making it exciting for me. :) I'm heading to Paris later in the week. Hopefully everything will turn out as I wish! I feel like a grown up girl taking charge of her own destiny. I mean, going to Paris for work????? Nobody does that except real professionals! Hahaha!

I'm also checking out accommodation options in Paris and Grenoble, in case I decide to continue living in either city. Anyhow, it's still pretty exciting because I get to live on my own! Gotta love independence.

Easter Weekend Over

2011-04-26T17:24:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

Oh wow, I love holidays! Yesterday was Easter and in France it's a public holiday. So my weekend was 3 days long. I spent it in Lyon with Xav and we celebrated his belated birthday. I don't know why, his family celebrates belated birthdays. LOL.

It was a nice weekend and I got to be with him for 3 days instead of the usual 2. I also did some sports and yesterday we made a nice baked lamb and veggies lunch after a morning of sweeping the backyard and front garden. Nice!

Anyway, this week the lab will be kinda empty. And today I think I will return home early. Maybe do some online shopping and blog. Not sure yet. I tried to apply online for my PhD yesterday but the website had a problem halfway through. Sucks. I'll try again later in the week. I really hope to get the scholarship from X because I miss Paris a lot! And it will also be nice if I can pay back my study loan faster.

I also need to get a list of things:

1) A vacuum cleaner so I can stop using that stupid brush of a broom. It's really a brush!

2) A new DSLR for my blog. And a tripod to go with it.

3) A new bag for work.

4) A LV wallet. It costs about 400 Euros. Imma die from nosebleed.

Ok that's it but it's pretty high damage. Sigh. But for now, I think I'll be happy with a new pair of Ardell Demi Wispies and a YSL Rouge Volupte! :)

Updates

2011-04-19T04:24:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

I must be leading a rather boring life lately. I haven't much to update, except that I went to a friend's place on Sunday for some Algerian cakes and wonderful company, and the evening ended with a trip to the fun fair, all 8 of us, no less.

The coming weekend is going to be a long one, since Monday will be the Easter holiday. Shall be heading to Lyon to celebrate Xav's belated birthday (actual date is today).

I need to go some serious shopping. Ok maybe not, but the urge to go shopping is serious. And my pay is not in yet because of some issue with the social security number, which I hope is sorted out now.

Anyway my life right now is vastly different from what it was like just a few months ago. Then, I was always pressed for time, stressed over all the studying etc. Now, I haven't any of these. I've got a work-life balance that I like quite a bit and I am starting to think about what I could do with my spare time. I'm still considering doing a vlog and having a youtube channel but it's quite troublesome because I'll have to look good on camera and besides, I haven't a great camera that takes quality videos. Hmm, maybe another time.

First Times

2011-04-03T18:44:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

When was the last time you did something for the first time? For me, this weekend I did 2 things for the first time in my life - a picnic and a fruit for breakfast.

Yesterday, I went on a picnic with some friends! It was just the four of us, but everything was perfect. It was a last minute decision for me because they had planned it before and I only knew of it on Friday night. So I didn't have any "real" food and brought just some cookies, strawberries and cigarettes, which are like the Chinese love letters but with more butter and thicker. We went to this park in the south of Grenoble where I had never been to before. It was splendid. Just greenery and grass, surrounded by mountains all around! There was a big lake in the middle (but not as big as the one in Vizille) with ducks on it and there were many eagles flying above us!

It wasn't crowded at all and was totally peaceful. Oh the quietness, the fresh air, the blue skies, the warm sun and the cool breeze. Oh my god. I can totally do this again! The company was great and we talked about everything from our future (PhD or not) to our own countries (we were 4 from Bangladesh, Germany, Libya and Singapore). The food was also nice and I'm glad the others loved the cigarettes! We couldn't finish it all and the leftovers were brought home.

After the wonderful picnic, Shaan and I went downtown and then to the mall. I was on a mission to find a present for Xav's birthday and do some research on what's new on the market in the cosmetics scene. Besides, Marionnaud was having 40% off the second item for members! This is the shizzzz, I'm telling ya.

Anyway, the second thing I did for the first time happened today: I ate an orange for breakfast. =D

I hadn't really meant to eat an orange but I had finished my milk, scrambled eggs and Johnsonville sausage and was still a bit hungry. Plus, an orange has no fat content and it's a fruit with vitamin C! Healthy yeah?

I don't know when I'll do something for the first time again. It's fun! I love doing new things, even if they are simple and don't mean much. It just makes me feel more alive. Oh Grenoble is a tiny place filled with such pleasant surprises.

The Past Always Comes Back. It Always Does.

2011-03-31T18:49:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I've been trying to convince my bf how Sg is a place too small for me to be in. He doesn't believe it and I think this is something only Singaporeans can relate to and understand.

It all starts from school days, and some can even say nursery school days. Everytime we go up to a higher level, like from pri sch to secondary or from secondary to jc or etc, there is this mingling of people from the different schools. At every promotion, there is a new mingling of groups. And of course, soon, everyone just knows someone who knows someone. Pretty soon, if you're the type who likes hanging out with friends at bars or make new friends, you'll realise that everyone knows everyone else. Maybe not personally, but at least we do know that that person exists.

I considered going into the banking and finance sector once, and I was really sure I would do it. But then one day during lunch hour, at a crowded fast food outlet somewhere in the business district, I crossed paths with a girl from my secondary school. We've talked a little before, (in school) but weren't friends, just acquaintances. And then it hit me there and then that no matter how hard I tried to alienate myself from my past - the past that I don't really like but have no choice but to accept because it is what made me the person I am today - it always finds ways to come back into my current life.

Many times I find myself trying to recall names stored in my phone only to not have a slight inclination as to the name's owner. And so I delete those names, erase them from my memory forever. And then out of the blue, one fine random day, this person contacts me on a totally random note and... how am I supposed to remember them? But yet I have to because otherwise everyone else would know that I forget my "friends." Because everyone knows everyone else and word spreads like wildfire.

And now, there is this person on a social networking site whom I am trying to remember if I'd known him/her before, from a time somewhere in between primary school and university. This is all too annoying.

I Love Ebay

2011-03-22T00:54:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I am feeling kinda relieved now that everything is over. Well, almost.

Anyway, I am on a high because I am shopping on ebay! Things there are cheaper and my buys come in the mail. I love receiving things in the mail! It makes it feel like Christmas everytime I open the mailbox and see a package. :) I won a bid for Skin79's Sweet Honey Sugar Scrub and it's going to come with a sample of the hot pink BB cream, which I absolutely CANNOT wait to try because everyone's giving such great reviews on it! I am really getting to love Japanese and Korean cosmetics and skin care products. I guess products that claim to cater to Asian skin really do cater to us! Hooray to that! I'm bidding on something else at the moment but I won't say what it is till I win it! It's also a product that I can't wait to try out because it's pretty new on the scene.

The weekend that just passed was a busy one. We were always on the go, getting out and about. Xav and I took Ulan to the park on Sunday. He (Ulan) was so cute! He knew that we were going to take him out and he kept jumping around and wagging his tail and whining-cum-growling at me to hurry up with putting on my boots! LOL! Poor Ulan was so scared of being in the car that when we took him out at the park, he was all trembly! Maybe he gets car sick? But anyway I think he enjoyed it, what with all that running about. He likes going out for excursions! LOL.

I got off work early today and managed to come home to blog a little. Wanted to do my nails but then I decided that I didn't want to waste some money on OPI's Nail Envy (I like that one) so I didn't do them. I'm finished with the interview entry with Nicole from Ne'Lani Cosmetics and now I'm going to do some swatches of my Arbonne Cosmetics samples though. The lady there gave me so many things I don't know where to start! She also gave me a sample of their entire anti-aging RANGE even though she'd mentioned that it wasn't suitable for me (I'm so young! Hee hee hee!).

Saturday night was the night of the biggest full moon in some many years. It was so beautiful! And today, it's the official date of the start of spring! Hooray to blue, sunny skies and green leaves!

13

2011-03-16T22:35:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

WowI haven't blogged in a while. However, I've been very busy with my other makeup blog on onsugar. It's really doing good so far and it's getting better day by day. Or should I say week by week? LOL. The thing is, I have joined affiliate programs of some cosmetic companies and now I have ad placements in my blog. Also, I should also receive more products for review purposes in the next month or so. Things are good, especially now with my current giveaway.

I've got my results of the masters program. Well, the first half of it anyway. I passed and I've got good grades! It's not the best in the cohort, butI guess I really did try my best and this is the most I am capable of. So I suppose I deserve some ice cream and a pat on the back!

Now that this is almost over, I am at the stage of seriously considering my next step. I kinda miss being in Asia but I don't feel that it's time yet for me to return. It's kinda like if I go back now, I'll never again get to leave even for a few months. It'd be like forever ever, forever ever, forever ever. It's also mainly because I can't seem to find a suitable place in this world where I'd like to live for the rest of my life. Yet. So what I could do is to remain elsewhere, here in Europe for a few more years till I earn enough to return and start another new stage in life, whether it's to begin my business in cosmetics or to settle down permanently. So looking at this, I am considering doing a PhD in France. Now that all the hard work is over, doing a PhD doesn't seem so bad anymore and I'm hoping that I'd get a good scholarship for it.

I'd also like to talk about the ongoing crisis in Japan. I guess it's the quake and tsunami that made me miss Asia. Ironic, isn't it? But anyway, I wanna learn Korean and get a nose job! LOL.

OK abrupt end now.

C'est Terminé!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-28T05:06:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

Finally everything is over! I'm finally done with all the exams - all 4 months of it! Now I can breathe! I've got a 1-week holiday now and my internship starts after that. I am wondering if I can take up some French courses during my internship!

Anyway, this weekend I got to see Xav again. We celebrated Valentine's on Friday evening because we didn't have the chance to celebrate it on the day itself. I decided to make dinner and it was yummy egg noodles with curry and teriyaki sauce, chicken and mushrooms! And then we also had miso soup with vegetables and waffles with ice cream and strawberries! And I borrowed some champagne glasses from a friend and Xav brought some pink champagne over since he knows I prefer the sweet ones. =) It was a nice dinner and it's been soooooooo long since we had a nice private dinner date like that (actually I don't think we ever had one). In a way, it was also to celebrate his new job and the end of my exams.

We went to the market at Saint Claire les Halles on Saturday because I wanted to show him the market but it was like, 90% closed because it was in the afternoon. Cheh! It's written that it opens till 7pm on Saturdays on the website. I guess store owners really hate working on Saturday afternoons huh. Anyway we did go into some interesting shops that I've never been into and we went down the Quartier des Antiques.

Before you think that I'm a sad little puppy totally in a one-sided love relationship with a guy called Xav (since I seem to be writing a lot about when we meet), I should mention (again) that my life so far has been nothing but studies, exams, presentations and laboratory work. So yes, the only relief I get is being with Xav in the weekends and my friends but it so turns out that I see him more even though my friends are in the same city as me (they were equally if not more loaded with work as I was). I haven't travelled anywhere else since I got here and you really don't want to hear about my studies. I haven't even PARTIED but trust me that's coming soon. It's all about priorities yeah? hee hee hee! I've done my best (no, seriously, I have), so screw off everyone and let me have some well-deserved fun!

Anyway, my life now is, like, awesome. Like, TOTALLY. It's like the dark clouds have finally cleared and the rainbows are coming out. Birds are singing again! Flowers are blooming! OK OK I know it's not spring yet but I can't help it. I wish it were already spring so I can wear my summer clothes! Tired of having to dress up in layers just to do simple things like laundry and getting groceries. But then again, I heard it can get up to 40 degrees in the summer in Grenoble, so I am presently preparing myself mentally for it. So gonna die.

Hmm, I suppose I can go shop for items for my next giveaway on my onsugar blog, as well as presents for my siblings who are going to turn a year older in March! *clap* *clap* Oh I love giving presents and seeing how they make people happy!

Food Bites

2011-02-10T05:34:00.006+08:00

Dear Diary,

Here's a recap of what I've been eating since CNY this year. It's not all that I've had, but these are yummy and not like the boring instant noodles, microwave dinners or normal spaghetti that I make all the time when I am pressed for time or lazy.

Vegetable and lobster soup. I added onions, corn bits and pasta in it. Super good! But everyone asked me if it was curry.

This came in a deep frozen pack! It's got sausages, potatoes, onion bits and long beans in it. I just have to fry them with some water so they don't burn.

This was today's dinner. Microwaved lean chicken (pre-seasoned from Monoprix), zucchini with lemon juice, salt and pepper (also microwaved) and pasta with tzatziki sauce. First time making chicken for myself!

A close up.

So what do you think? They are all pretty healthy right? I'm thinking of ways to use my super huge bottle of organic extra virgin olive oil I got from the Intermarche when I first got here. It was on discount so I figured I should get it since it's one of the healthiest oils to cook food with. But it's still more than 3/4 full!

So I did some studying today. It wasn't much but at least it was something. I'm thinking if I should go to Lyon on Friday or Saturday, or if I should even go at all. Just remembered I have lab the entire day on Monday so that means one day less to study. ARGH. I really don't like this lab thing.

Boys Over Flowers

2011-02-09T19:06:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I've been really under a whole lot of crazy stuff lately, mostly related to exams and Boys Over Flowers! LOL. Seriously, I don't understand how some guys can be that hot! And I also don't understand how the character Jan Di doesn't fall in love with Ji Hoo and sticks with that annoying Jun Pyo instead. I mean, yes, Jun Pyo is the heir of Shinhwa and all but his mother is ultra evil (if I have to marry a guy and live with that kind of a mother, I'd really rather not marry only to be miserable for the rest of my life!) and he's not like Ji Hoo! Ji Hoo is super duper hot (looks like Bae Yong Jun and has a killer smile), has nicer hair, speaks English, Korean, Mandarin and French (though in the movie he can't really say them well haha), reads, has a good heart, is a great friend, wears the nicest-looking, most handsomest clothes, is philosophical and is the president's grandson! And the president is such a nice grandpa!

But mostly, it's all about the clothes. I absolutely love what Ji Hoo wears in the show! What with all the white and cream coloured trenchcoats, they make anyone look great! And the light baby pink blazer and white pants, finished with polished black shoes. OMG. How can anyone not fall for that! I love men who dress in white and trenchcoats!!!!! Not the flowery Kenzo-esque shirts that Jun Pyo wears. LOL.

Anywayyyyy, I had a terrible start to the week with three exams - one on Monday and two on Tuesday. The first one was bad and the other two were better. I guess overall I should pass this module, and seeing that I'm all done with it, there should be a celebration, no? I've got another major one next Wednesday and I should really start on it because it's going to be 4 hours long.

I feel like resting today though. I've been mugging non-stop for the past one week or so. Like, to the point where I asked my friends out just to have lunch at Quick one afternoon so that I could get some air outside! You'd think it's really easy to just stay cooped up at home for days on end and just doing nothing but studying. This is worse than meditation. The only type of people I know who stay cooped up at home and not go out are those who have just gone through a terrible breakup and don't want to live anymore. Argh. It's completely horrible and you feel like you're living just to study and not studying to live.

I hope it will be over soon though. I really hate studying but I guess this is what I have to do for the moment. After this, it should get much better! At least I won't be living to study anymore; I'd be living to work and that is so much more meaningful!

Anyway I haven't watched the final episode of the show because I can't find it anywhere online. Mysoju doesn't load on my laptop here. And how is it possible that Jan Di becomes a doctor? Anyone can tell she like, totally cannot be a doctor. A nurse, yes, but a doctor? This show is terrible! Ha ha ha. And after 4 years apart from Jun Pyo and being in the presence of Ji Hoo, she still likes Jun Pyo? Unbelieveable.

Another Weekend Gone By

2011-02-01T03:00:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

OMG, what am I doing with my life???

Anyway, I had a great weekend with the boyfriend again. We went to Prapoutel to ski on Saturday and this time I tried going down the green slope to the bottom where the chairlifts are. The first time going down was good. After lunch, I tried again and it was worse. I guess all the morning's exercise plus yummy lunch made me too tired and have more inertia!

The weather then was better than the previous time we went. Perfect snow and perfect blue skies! It was also more crowded, which made learning how to ski a little bit more difficult.

We spent the entire Sunday eating and playing Burger Queen on his Iphone. OMG. That game is so addictive!

I love wasting time like this with the boyfriend, just letting time slip us by as we enjoy each other's company. As they say, time you enjoy wasting wasn't wasted. =)

And now it's back to mugging mode. There's a problem though, with the button to turn the mode on. It doesn't seem to be working. I think I might've reached my limit. Maybe the circuit has broken due to too much current and voltage input.

Il marche pas encore.

My Special Birthday

2011-01-27T18:24:00.005+08:00

Dear Diary,

My birthday turned out to be really nice afterall!

It began really, at around midnight when I got a really retarded (imho) comment about my views on animal testing. Got me really wondering how only a certain group of people can say such things and act like that. Some people really can be so stupid that you just can't imagine how they were brought up!

Anyway let's not let this entry be about other people.

As I was saying, it started off bad. And then I thought that I'd have to spend my entire birthday going for class in the morning (8.30am to 11.45am), deal with administrative stuff (another very stressing procedure) and then come home, finish up a lab report and mug for an exam coming soon.

But at about 1am, my sister called me all the way from home to wish me a happy birthday and I got to skype with her and my mum too! That was really nice! I fell asleep right after.

And on my birthday itself, all my friends remembered and wished me happy birthday too! Even people I didn't really know well came to wish me when they knew from the others that it was my birthday. How nice of them! Some girls wanted to meet up with me soon so that they could pass me a present (after exams of course... they've got a major one today). Also, on Facebook, I received wishes in different languages and I love that! It makes me feel like I am one with the world!

Anyway, after I got home I had to leave again in a couple of hours to meet a professor in campus (it was a last minute decision to leave for this). Ten or fifteen minutes after I'd left the apartment, the boyfriend called me and asked me to guess where he was. He was at my door! How could I have missed him! OMG. So I rushed with the meeting and came home to meet him!

I'm so happy because it's my 4th birthday since we've been a couple and it's the first we've managed to spend together! And he got me presents! We had a nice dinner at a restaurant along Alsace Lorraine, which had a grade AAAAA for their andouillette (that was funny).

And now, it's not my birthday anymore and I am old. LOL. It was a nice birthday that turned out totally different from what I'd expected! =) Now back to reality!

Happy Birthday to Me

2011-01-25T20:18:00.005+08:00

Dear Diary,

I hate my life right now. Today's my birthday (or technically, tomorrow since I am in France) and I officially agree that every once in a while, I am allowed to hate my life even though I know full well that somewhere, someone is having it much worse.

Let me list the reasons.

1) I am stuck in a sucky course of my choice and have my parents pay for it. I can't drop out because... (all of the following in one way or another).

2) I am now 25, but still depending on my parents for a living. Seriously, I feel like a total fucking loser. Who at age 25 still lives off their parents and can't even get a job because they are still studying?

3) I am 25 but I am still "working hard for my future." 10 years down the road I will still be "working hard for my future." FML MAX. Well guess what? I will NEVER live my future because the future does not yet exist and never will exist at this moment! So basically, I am working hard for a future that does not exist. This is practically like drinking from a well that has no water in it. It makes no sense and this logic is screwed.

4) I am 25 but my skin is still far from perfect. Teenaged acne still haunts me with scars and dimples and I still have breakouts. On top of that, wrinkles are appearing.

5) I am poor.

6) I am not doing anything to my life. I feel I am wasting time.

7) I set myself goals that are too high. For example, I want to be able to be perfectly fluent in English, Mandarin, German, French, Spanish and Korean. I also want to be able to afford a nice bag, car, an apartment and be able to travel or meet international people in my job. I want to achieve all these before I reach the next stage in my life. I want to be as successful as Ivanka Trump before I turn 30. Basically I want to earn an income that's at least proportional to the amount of work and effort I put in!

But still, happy birthday to me because I am only entitled to my special day once a year. But this year, I'm going to be spending it 7 hours behind the actual occasion and I'm also going to be spending it on... you guessed it... mugging. I hate school, have I mentioned that yet? This is going to be the worst birthday ever.

Great Weekend, Not-so-great Course

2011-01-25T19:48:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm writing almost only one entry per week! Well, I can't be blamed. I've got so many things on my plate!

I went skiing over the weekend with Xav at Prapoutel. It was super scary at first because I hadn't skied in a year and also because the snow in the morning wasn't very good for skiing. But it got better, especially after lunch. But then my toe cramps came and we had to take a break. I don't like toe cramps! Maybe it was because of the cold? It was reported that Prapoutel was about -7 to -13 degrees that day.

On Sunday night, we received an email from a professor that we have an exam next Thursday and Friday. How is that even possible. We were going to send her an email in reply to postpone it to the week after but this morning she sent another email to freaking CONFIRM the dates. Sure gonna fail these ones. This is a reason I hate this masters course. The timetable planning is disastrous, we don't get notes unlike the people in Physics or Biology, everything is last minute, and exams run from November till end of February. Now you know why I seem to be studying every other week! Or actually, almost every week! For 5 months. It really is driving me crazy. Also, a large proportion of the course is so much about Physics and Microelectronics, I don't think this course can be called Nano Chemistry. Physics was my most hated subject at school and in university. I hate it with a vengeance! I don't like electronics either and I don't think I ever will. And on top of that, about half or more of the professors cannot really speak proper English and that should not be the case because this course is meant to be taught in English.

I'm not really satisfied with this course, all in all. The worst thing is that I actually chose it myself. One more month and it will be over.

Les Soldes Over the Weekend

2011-01-19T22:28:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I've just did my weekly pilates session and before getting ready to meet a friend to discuss our presentation for tomorrow, here's a recap of the long 4-day weekend I spent in Lyon.

It was a crazily long Saturday. We went downtown to see what Les Soldes had to offer. Apparently a whole lot! I came home with a new body scrub from The Body Shop, a Clinique skin care set with a pouch, new Dior powder foundation and a free mascara! Oh I love sales. And then it was celebrating Antoine's birthday, which ended with poker till about 3am.

On Sunday, the weather was awesome. So Xav and I decided to take Ulan out to the park and check out the animals at the zoo in there. OMG. The Watusi and porcupines there are so huge! And then it was badminton after lunch but I was so tired from the late night and early morning that all I could do was sit at the side and watch.

We did some more shopping on Monday afternoon and Xav managed to find a pair of shoes. He's been looking for some for a while now. We also went into Lafayette and the Longchamp bags (Pilage) there are so freaking cheap!!!! If they had the navy blue ones, I would DEFINITELY have bought one! Maybe I'll check downtown this Friday. OK, my mind is set. LOL.

The Bookworm Cafe and French

2011-01-14T01:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm typing this with my nail polish drying up. New colour from a brand I've never known before. I like it! Anyway, some updates.

I had an exam this afternoon and thank god it was an easy one.

Then I had a great time with Erin at The Bookworm Cafe down in Saint Laurent. I've never been to that part of Grenoble before and at first I got a little lost, wondering whether I'd gone to right place and finding how almost everything seemed to be closed. Talked about lots of stuff and it was nice meeting up.

It seems like the Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is proving to be a really controversial read because it came up in our conversation today. I really recommend this article (at least) to everyone. Also, I'm really glad my parents were not really like this professor. She scares the hell out of me.

The scones at the cafe were really awesome too, and I liked the cosy atmosphere as well. It's not exactly a great place to be to learn French though but they hold language exchange events every Friday evenings so I may go once to see how it's like.

Oh yes, because my exam today is over, I am going to concentrate on French for some time now till at least the next exam in a few weeks. I really want to brush up on the language and be more confident in communicating in it. Also, I need to improve on my written French. My written French totally sucks because of all the conjugation, which can be ignored when speaking.

Also, my level in French may have been at the B1 level, but I don't know everything before this particular level, which led me to be lost a few times in class before. Anyhoooo, je parle le francais maintenant. I promised! =)

I also realised that maybe my tiny bit of resistence in picking up the language may have something to do with the barely-there tolerance of the French towards the English language. I really hated it when the French people whom I didn't know well kept telling me I had to learn French. All the time, in my mind, I was like, "You don't tell me what to do!" But now I've come to terms with it and have more time to focus on practising it as well, so I guess that will help.

And finally, I received an email from home today, asking me for my address in Grenoble so that bak kwa could be sent my way! Yippee!

A Nice Wednesday

2011-01-13T01:43:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

I shall begin this post with a yummy microwaved dinner I had:

Microwaved Asian noodles with lots of ingredients and soup

It was great. There were lots of stuff in the noodles... chicken, eggs, onions, lettuce... and I added some sausages on my own, also microwaved. The soup is also yummy. Made with 9 vegetables that include onions (I love onions), broccoli, potatoes and many more. *Licks lips*

Anyway, we had a guest professor from New Zealand come teach today and it was so awesome because she spoke perfect English, the way I am so used to. We had a little chat at the end of the class, where the first question she asked me was whether I was from NUS or NTU. Now we're talking! It feels good to meet someone close to home, you know. After months of pure French and being in a totally different world, meeting someone who speaks "me" is just so liberating. Also, it's really nice to not have someone immediately think I come from China and only know how to speak Chinese. I don't think I've ever been voluntarily this attentive in class ever since the term started. I don't know how to spell her name exactly but she's now my favourite professor in Grenoble. LOL.

So. I have an exam tomorrow but what I really want is to have it right now so I can go shopping. YES.

LES SOLDES ONT COMMENCE!!!!!

From 20% to 70% off in ALL shops in France and it started today! OMIGOD. I will take a picture and show all of you what downtown looks like now. HUGE posters on display windows one after another, all saying things like, "Les Soldes. Moins de 70%" (Sales. 70% off). Maybe now is a good time to get my hands on Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle Eau de Parfum!!!! Things in Marionnaud are going for so cheap it's so unbelieveable! Things that were originally priced at 12€ can be as cheap as 3,60€! I feel like I'm in the premium outlets once again. Oh how I have missed this feeling!

And I also want to go skiing. Now that it's no longer snowing in Grenoble (what a joke), it makes me more anxious to go skiing because I don't want this winter to pass without me going on the slopes! But this weekend won't work out because the boy is sick with my germs from Christmas and my friends are piled to the brim with work and exams.

I wanna go ski. I wanna go ski. I wanna go ski. I wanna go ski. I wanna go ski. I wanna go ski.

A Full Mailbox Does Wonders

2011-01-12T01:59:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

Today is kind of a happy day.

I got rid of the trash and received so many things in my mailbox! My Skinfood cleansing gel is here, after one week from the order date, and it came with a free eyeshadow and more samples! I also received some nail polishes that I'm supposed to do swatches of for my makeup blog. And finally, I got my voucher of 7.50 Euros from Marionnaud!

I also finally did some grocery shopping and no longer have to starve from time to time. What do you say to ravioli, bolognaise sauce, croissants and some good ol' Philadelphia?

I'm quite happy the way the day has turned out and now I'm just sleepy. I've got class tomorrow morning at the unearthly hour of 8am. Gross.

The Format is Changed

2011-01-11T00:54:00.005+08:00

Dear Diary,

It's time for a change because a new year has come. From now on, you will look different! Proper writing and a cleaner image. No more messy stuff on the sides. I admit, they were beginning to be an eye sore.

I want to do more sports, now that I have more time on my hands (I'm pretty efficient in report writing) and I think roller blading is an option. I've been trying to do inline skating for quite some time but never got down to it, mainly because I don't have a pair of skates and also because I'm travelling so much. I'd like to finally stay put in one place or at least have a location I am based at for a future job so other things can fall into place.

Like, you know, the normal... An apartment which I don't have to change every time I move on to something new; A pet hamster or guinea pig; A work area specially designated for my makeup and skin care site, complete with a mini studio.

I've finished reading my latest book, The Kitchen God's Wife by Amy Tan, and I'm currently looking out for something else to feast my eyes and mind on.

I am also currently starving and wishing my pasta would cook faster.

nothing much

2011-01-10T22:14:00.006+08:00

so i have just kind of mugged everything for my exam on thursday. not very confident and i'll have to re-mug later on. feeling kinda sleepy right now. tried to wake up early this morning at 8am, but failed and really got out of bed at 10. but hey, at least i finished what i'd planned to do! also, not mugging over the weekend is something i miss so much!

i'm bored stiff now that i am a little ahead of time. i have groceries to get but i'm kinda lazy to leave my apartment. i've decided to start looking for jobs and internships for the period after i graduate. i really hope i'll find something.

btw, what is happening to the weather in grenoble (and france in general)? it's still supposed to be winter but it was freaking 13 degrees on saturday (and 17 in lyon)! sooo hot! i was walking around downtown with a sleeveless top and jeans! and my winter boots looked out of place! i forsee no more snow for the rest of the season, and that's such a mood-dampener. i really love snow!

oh and hmm. the skin food cleansing gel i ordered online has yet to arrive. maybe i'm just being impatient but i can't be blamed. my current one is totally running out! i think it can only last me for maybe one week max.

to lyon again, this weekend. the great sales season in france starts in 2 days and i can't wait. i hope i can get my clinique moisturiser for a lower price. and other nice things too, like a bag because i currently only have one usable shoulder bag and even that one is being held in place by... scotch tape. no kidding. hoping to get a loose powder at the same time.

alrighty, pilates time!

2nd post of the year

2011-01-04T05:43:00.006+08:00

i'm back in grenoble and am already starting to be really bored. i'm also having a teeny bit of trouble switching back to the english keyboard from the french one and am typing slowly with "q-a" errors aplenty. for this week, so far i'm only gonna have classes on wednesday mornings and 2 friday afternoons (the coming one and the one after). this part of the semester is going to be a bit better than what it was like before the holidays, i hope, because i won't have work, french classes, extra lab sessions nor electives. i finished them all before the holidays, which could explain why i was so stressed up then. also, apart from the research training module, i'll only have classes on wednesday mornings! hee hee hee!!!

though this part of the semester might seem better with less classes and all, i'm gonna have more exams... so pray for me for those! 6 to go in all till my next holiday at the end of february. and then i'll start on my internship (oh yes, i've to submit the form) and start looking for a job too. =) hopefully i'll get a job after that, which would allow me to start working after the summer holidays. but yes, i might be getting a little ahead of myself. maybe i should learn how to cook proper food during my free time for now.

anyway, i'd like to share two videos that i came across on vimeo and really liked. the first one is a pretty sweet love song by joshua radin and animated by thomas hicks. the second one is something really crazy by the scissor sisters with wolves, a unicorn, a bullet hole in a naked girl's palm, an egyptian woman who emits light from her mouth... enjoy!

Joshua Radin I'd Rather be with you from Thomas Hicks on Vimeo.

Scissor Sisters - Invisible Light from CANADA on Vimeo.

all i want for the new year

2011-01-03T19:28:00.002+08:00

what i really want this year are a few things.

1) a job or an internship from which i can jump start my career into the cosmetics industry

2) then, a nice apartment to call my own

3) a pretty dressing table with the hollywood-esque mirror, complete with the light bulbs all round

4) travel somewhere nice, like greece or maybe new york again because i miss it

5) more PR requests for my onsugar blog

6) to do pilates more frequently

7) be happy!

2010 - 2011

2010-12-31T18:59:00.006+08:00

omg. i still can't believe 2010 is about to be over... it's so fast! now where do i even begin...

this year has been pretty crazy... it started off pretty bad, only got worse and i am VERY relieved it's going to end. i don't suppose it's going to be fun listing out all the terrible things that happened this year; i'll only say it's been very emotional for me and that i've learnt quite a bit about myself and that everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

just to sum up the entire year in chronological order:

1) worked in forensics

2) started laced ivory.onsugar

3) took a course in fashion makeup at makeup forever

4) quit my job

5) tried my hand at freelance writing

6) applied for various masters programs

7) while waiting for application results, tried working as a receptionist and got involved in lasalle's fashion show (makeup for my sister's model)

8) got accepted into a couple of masters courses, picked one and came to france

9) spent an awesome summer at the beach and tried surfing

10) started the gruelling masters course, met lots of new people and learnt a lot of new things

so. 2011. i hope it will be way better than 2010. first of all, i'll be away from home. which means no stupid weather, crowds that take away all my fresh air, and etc etc. i'll be completing my masters, after which my future will seem much brighter.

i've got things i wanna do within the year too. i'd like to visit greece. maybe a grad trip in the summer? hahaha. i'd also like to get a job. i also wish that my foray into writing about makeup and skin care will see better prospects. oh, oh, and i really hope to further improve in french. and go skiing again. and be completely financially independant. i can do this!! =)

finally, here's to new hopes and everything. i hope everyone has a great time celebrating the end of terrible, terrible 2010 and the start of 2011!!!!!!!

updates

2010-12-29T02:39:00.002+08:00

am a little bored at the moment... so i'll blog just a bit. the past week was such great fun. it was also pretty busy since i had to do christmas shopping for everyone. going to the mall on the eve of christmas eve is NO FUN but the secret is that the mall is pretty empty on christmas eve itself. i guess most people are not as last minute as i am.

didn't get too much sleep on christmas eve itself and when we'd finished wrapping presents, it was already past 3am. i was dead tired! anyway it was a nice christmas. =)

xav and i made sushi for the christmas eve dinner. we'd made pad thai last year and sushi was much easier to make. and yummy too! gosh i am hungry now.

i'm now enjoying myself, relaxing more than anything. after that breakdown from all the stress in the past 2 months, i think i deserve this. though what i really want is a nice job but i suppose that will have to wait. since i'm relaxing so much, sleeping alot due to my flu and all, i don't really have much to blog about for the moment. i'm not even tweeting as much!

my french is hopefully improving. being with french people 24/7 now is really helping a lot. i kinda like it. i'm not exactly learning new words everyday now but i'm practising what i've learnt and i think that's important. and it's also kind of true what they say about language classes... they teach you things you don't use. of course, they do teach you useful things but then it gets to a level where i feel things start becoming literary.

i'm in the middle of an amy tan book called the kitchen god's wife. it's entertaining. my first amy tan book ever, i must say. i tried reading the joy luck club once, when i was in secondary school and had heard such raves about the book. but then i lost interest the moment i read about these women getting together to play mahjong. i was 14. why would i want to read about a group of middle-aged chinese women getting together and whining about their lives? lol.

come to think of it, it's been quite a while since i last touched a mahjong tile. mabe i should think of a plan for the coming cny. it's gonna be my first cny away from home!

ok. dinner time. i'll try to blog more often to update u guys. hope u are all having fun back in sg. to all my friends: i miss u all! have a great time counting down to the new year, if i don't get to blog again before that. =)

on a snowing winter's night

2010-12-17T06:02:00.003+08:00

sometimes i really feel sorry for those people who are so into racism that they think it's cool to be completely outwardly racist. and it gets even more pathetic when they think they are insulting the race they are discriminating against, when in fact they got it all wrong. that's like, shit right back in your face, man.

i mean, if you wanna be racist, be a proper one at least! if you wanna be bad, be bad, not pathetic. gosh, seriously.

many people see me and they immediately think i'm chinese (no, not in the racist way, but in the stereotyped way). in a way, they are right, since my race is chinese. but nationality wise, i am totally not. like, they think every chinese-looking person comes from china. helloooo??? never take geography classes before issit??? the japanese, korean, vietnamese and malaysian chinese also look chinese but they are not from china pleeeease. aw. my. gad. asia is a continent, not a country. aw. my. gad.

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on a totally different topic, i think there comes a stage in life where it's not longer in to be stick thin. like it's better to be a little meaty and toned and muscular than thin like a waif. somehow looking so skinny kinda implies youth and at 30 and above, i don't think anyone'd want to be mistaken as an 18-year-old. i don't think that would be flattering at all. it's like asking, "hey, did you even get through puberty yet???" aw. my. gad.

****************************************

and whitney houston has just become my favourite singer of all time. i watched her original mtv for "greatest love of all" and it made me cry everytime i re-watched it! that voice! that humiliy! that love! how inspiring.

****************************************

and yes! today was my final exam before the december holiday break! actually, i didn't really study for french today. it's such a bummer that i've got lab the whole day tomorrow. otherwise holiday would begin now!!! sigh. can't wait for saturday to go shopping with the girls! lyon next week too, and christmas and new year's! and it's snowing a whole lot now (imagine a heavy rain in singapore, and replace the raindrops with snow); i really miss the snow. it makes everything so fairytale-like, so romantic, so calm, so serene. so beautiful. maybe it's also cos of this and this at the same time. i'm so in love and i'm so happy! it's been such a long time since i've felt like this.

i'm happy.

vip and salsa in one night

2010-12-10T09:46:00.004+08:00

so. i met this guy who said he was the chief of apple computers france. like, omg. i don't know though, if he's the GM or just head of IT or whatever, but that's not the point. to cut a long story short, i was sooooooooooooo close to potentially getting an ipad for free. if only i had known who he was when i met him!!!!! ARGH. cannot.get.over.it.fml.ttm. and it was at quick too!!! ARGHHHHH! ok better stop thinking about it. but seriously, i've never met people like that EVER in my entire life. it's like meeting the french-irish version of steve jobs. fml now!!!

anywayyyyyyyyyyy. i went to bukana with some friends after that. it's a salsa bar downtown. i had fun! tried dancing salsa for a while. just the simple steps. and then i got wowed by the pros. and then i was like, "you know what we should do? we should go to spain and learn salsa!!!" lol. seriously, it's so hot and sexy i wanna learn!!!

i had another exam this afternoon though and it went pretty well. much better than the x-rays one. felt much happier and relieved after it. but then, now, i have to start studying for my NEXT exam that's gonna be on tuesday. and then after that, french!! i'm sad that we had our last french class today. i really liked the lessons! and i like my teacher too. once when i had a terrible lab session just before french, going to french class after somehow totally calmed my nerves. i think my teacher has this really soothing effect when he teaches us, like he really sincerely wants to nurture us to be better francophones. so nice. ha ha.

i am improving in french, i think. i can talk in a little bit of french but when people speak too fast, it's still a blur and i understand nothing. i missed french class last week and today, we were talking about "conditionnel" et j'ai pas compris!!! omg. luckily i only missed ONE class (not counting the very first one because of the tram & bus strike)!!! and now it's the exam period, i can't think in french because all my mind's occupied with are x-rays, solar cells, CVD, VLS, nano particles, gold catalysts, nanowires, quantum dots, quantum confinement effect and whatnots. omg. it's terrible. i see snow atop lamp posts and immediately i think of the VLS method of making nanowires. the beauty of life escapes me now. boo hoo hoo.

oh btw, i am learning french words for makeup stuff. like pinceaux and fond de teint and la peau sensible etc. haha. i imagine myself working at sephora and thinking what the words i should know are. and then i go to cosmetics websites and voila. self-taught. awesome no? lol.

nice weekend

2010-12-06T05:58:00.003+08:00

omg. what a weekend. xav came over on friday night and i'm glad he came! i managed to finish what i'd planned to do over the weekend - finish up my french article (i wrote about overcrowding in singapore lol), maybe blog a little about makeup and at least finish studying all the notes for this week's exam - so i guess i can rest a little for now.

we also went shopping on saturday evening. we made a trip to the christmas market downtown and had the best sausage + onions + fries thingy ever. totally worth the 7.50 euros we paid for it! i also had hot wine (vin chaud) for the first time in my life. had a not-so-nice experience when i took a whiff of the smoke coming out of my cup. like, woot, i'm snorting alcohol. *cough* *cough* lol. not nice.

i almost got new boots too because my current ones are so terrible, they get my feet wet all the time. i think i'm definitely going to get a better pair after my exams end... in 2 weeks!!! omg. dying. btw, the pictures are on facebook!

and i really need to go shopping. like, really. i can't wait to get paid, even though it's not alot of money. at least i'd be able to buy something decent for myself. like boots or new makeup. ha ha. and i have to get christmas presents too! can't wait... =)

snow

2010-12-01T15:03:00.003+08:00

i'm gonna start with a shoutout to ben from toronto who reads my blog! *waves* lol. ok now on to the news.

it's started snowing a little in grenoble the past week but last night was real snow for the first time since i've got here. and i believe it hasn't stopped since (it's now 8am). i got woken up by a call from a friend actually, asking me how to get to class because of all the snow. was it really that bad? i told her i wasn't going since i was sick and then went straight to my window to check it out.

no it wasn't bad at all. it was beautiful! and it still is. and it's not too much snow... it's just normal snow. it instantly reminded me of the times in freddy... and the snowfall then was waaaay more. this would have been nothing compared to that. and it's funny because xav's dad got stuck in traffic for 3 hours after work yesterday cos of the snow too! funny.

and ulan was soooo cute! he'd wanted to go out for his daily walk, was really excited, but the moment he put his paws in the snow, he went back in (as told by xav). lol!!! omg cutest dog EVER!

so i'll leave u guys with a picture i'd just taken from outside my window. full of snow and raelly pretty. just a pity that i can't stop thinking about fucking cvd deposition when i look at the puffy bricks at the bottom of the pic. enjoy!

down the long winding road

2010-11-30T17:22:00.003+08:00

i miss the simple days. the days when all i worried about was work and nothing much else. earn some money and spend it, that's all.

but nooooo. i had to make people happy by living a life that others expected of me. i really don't get it sometimes. they're not happy when i'm not doing a masters, and they are not happy when i am doing a masters. i really don't know what it is they want me to do. (phd? sorry but no. do it yourselves.) and then, after some time on my own, and after thinking many times of the saying that we should all live for ourselves and no one else, i finally got to understand what this saying means.

it means i should stop worrying what they think of me. just do what i want to do. in my culture, this would probably be called selfishness and being unfilial. wtf. i'll make my own culture.

it's come to a point where i have to tell myself that i am not going to be the master of their happiness and satisfaction. i can't help it if they do so, but i really cannot let anyone else run my life for me.

people always make things seem easier than they are. live for yourself! why care about them? etc etc. but it's difficult when these people matter to you and you don't want to make them sad because them being sad makes you sad too. and you feel like you've been really evil and mean because you made someone sad. but then how do you draw the line? when trying to make them happy makes you feel terrible deep inside, i suppose.

so i guess it's time i put a stop to all this. maybe it will disappoint them, but i cannot continue living like this because after all i answer to myself and no one else.

all the time, i've been wanting to get away from it all. so i leave the country because that's the only legit way that i can leave without being called an ingrate or a spoilt child who has sinned or whatever fucked up reason society has deemed appropriate to label people like me.

if they were to no longer be around in this world one day, would i be happy with what i am doing? the answer is no. my being here is to satisty their wanting me to have a masters degree and my wanting to be away from all the stress they've been giving me. (so you want me to do a masters? fine i'll do it. at your expense. so you can stop pressing me.) i'm merely a puppet of their dreams, not exactly my own. and because i've spent almost my entire life making choices (or not being allowed to make choices) that satisfied them, i do not know how to decide for myself. and i think this is very sad.

again, back to why i want to leave. because i want to live a life for myself and no one else. i want to make decisions for myself and i can't do it with them around.

it's never-ending. i'll always tell myself that ok, i'll do this to make them happy, and then after that i'll do something to make me happy. but the something to make me happy never comes because i'm always doing something to make them happy. do you get what i mean? the demends come one after another. they never stop coming and i can never rest.

i can understand if they'd paved the way for me to get into good schools. that's what everyone does. but after university, teach! if not, do a masters! after a masters, do a phd! after phd, teach! do a post-doc! find a job that has good prospects! you have no time left (which translates to: do all of these now!)! wtf. tell me if you don't think they are trying to run my life for me. of course i've tried to be rebellious. passive rebellion, if there is such a thing. i won't say how though. but it doesn't seem to be working because they just think i'm obedient. you know, the good girl who just does everything her parents asks of her and forms no opinions of her own. tmd. why the fuck would i sound my opinions when they don't take it into account anyway??? just do this and this and this and shut up.

and these thoughts keep coming back even when i am so far away. i want to leave this baggage behind. they are so cumbersome and bulky and i have a weak spine. i can't talk to anyone about it either because who really understands what i'm going through? and of course, friends just want to have a good time and not listen to my parental-related stuff.

ok lah. end of whining.

quiet afternoons

2010-11-30T02:21:00.002+08:00

don't we all have the wish of spending quiet afternoons with precious girlfriends, sipping on tea and tasting cup cakes in fancy laduree-esque cafes? we'd dress up and do our hair, look pretty and smile at the doormen with their white gloves, leaving no imprints on those perfectly polished gold handles. we'd sit cross-legged, perched comfortably on the minty green couches, on our mighty high heels and entertain each other with petty little details about life in general.

we'd talk about our dreams and all the possibilities that never end. we'd set up a shop! or go into arts school together just for fun. or go sourcing for the prettiest little diaries because ours don't seem just about right. or we'd talk about makeup, or the latest news in technology, or the newest movies in town.

or maybe about the parties we attended the week before. or books we've read. or how swarovski and cubic zirconia can't ever truly replace real diamonds, like the ones we'd bought as friendship rings. or how we need to go on a sabbatical to get away from it all. a month might be good. meet a hot guy, fall in love and live happily ever after. all the while never compromising on our pretty dresses and manicure appointments.

oh, don't we all.

when two beautiful (and rich) people come together

2010-11-17T08:15:00.006+08:00

i was surfing around for the latest fashion scoop and came across style me pretty, a website where newly weds send in their wedding day pictures and details about the diy things they did for their weddings. from there, i came across this lovely vid.

Roselyn & Eric - San Juan, Puerto Rico from Elysium Productions on Vimeo.

the wedding of roselyn and eric. click on the link to watch it.

omg. the things that came up immediately in my mind, in the particular order shown below, were:

1) the venue and decoration are soooooooo pretty!!! and so romantic!!!

2) and omfg. the groom is fucking hot!!! i've seen him somewhere before... he must be some actor!!!! an older version of zac efron that i definitely like (sorry zac efron, you're too young)!!! omg that smile! and that body! and the 5 o'clock shadow! just kill me now.

3) the guests are all so glamourously dressed! it's like an emmy awards event or something!

4) omg. is that eva longoria?!?!?! is the bride her SISTER????? they look sooooooooo alike and both are latinos!!! (ok just checked. they are not related and roselyn also looks like nicole scherzinger.)

5) they prove that two really gorgeous, hot, beautiful people can come together and fall in love and stay together! totally not like the one-pretty-the-other-ugly kind. there is hope for the world!

6) if i ever have a wedding, i also want mine to be like theirs! i'm gonna need lots of money!!!!!!!!!! i mean, come on, did you see THE SHOES????

7) and ahem, why are none of my close friends getting married??? i want to be bridesmaid!!!! it's having all the perks of a wedding (look nice, wear a pretty gown and heels, get my hair and makeup done by a professional and look good in photos, get to check out the bridegroom's friends...) without the painstaking process of planning!

8) finally, like 10 whole minutes later (and while writing this entry), i don't think anything in this vid was diy-ed.

9) oh oh oh!!! is the groom the guy in harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay who almost got married to the girl that kumar liked? omg i think he is! omg fuck! he's so hot!!! why are there such good looking people in the world???

10) ok. it's really time for bed now.

after 14 hours of sleep...

2010-11-12T06:08:00.003+08:00

just got home from divya's place, where we girls had a nice dinner. it was fun! today's a holiday, and i'm so glad that it is because it's thursday and thursdays are my longest days! 8.30am to 7.30pm... it's a killer!

so anyway. the first few days of this week had been really crazy (getting my visa, working on a presentation with my partner, finishing up my 6 hours of french multimedia exercises, classes, blogging...) and i hadn't been getting enough sleep. so i totally slept for 14 hours last night. omg. i couldn't hold out any longer after dinner and went straight to bed at 8pm without even washing off my makeup! woke up at 1am, ate some biscuits cos i got hungry, and then i went back to bed at 3am all the way till noon today! omg. that was sooooo satisfying!

holidays here are awesome. they are really holidays!!! i tried to work a little and i did get started but i spent more time blogging about makeup and having fun with the girls. =) my readership is increasing again! i'm so happy! at least i know that my writings have not been in vain. i hope to get more inspiration in the days to come!

and i still have yet to pack for the weekend in lyon. i'm leaving tomorrow night. i hope i'll get most of my studying done over the weekend! anyway, domino's pizza is crazy... they are having a promotion... buy 3 pizzas for the price of 1! omg. how to earn money like that???

anyway. it's time to pack and then sleep!!! ta ta!

my love of travelling

2010-11-09T05:17:00.004+08:00

i love travelling. not because it's fun and not because i want to escape reality and have to go on holidays every so often. it's not because i want everyday to be like it is in disneyland or gold coast australia. i love travelling because of the things i experience and see and learn, and the people i meet. i love travelling because everything that happens is so new, so untouched prior to its occurrence that it becomes magical and surreal when it happens. it changes me. it alters me even ever so slightly, like a potter making the final touches to his clay.

each encounter brings me closer to who i really am. it brings aspects of myself that i never knew existed right there in front of me. served on a platter, sometimes, and with a lid that i have to uncover on my own.

also, i love variety in life. i get restless easily and really quickly. i can't be in proximity to something for a long time, whether it's a place, a culture, a musical genre, a movie genre, books by a particular author, a lifestyle. i need changes to occur every now and then. and travelling is the only thing that provides me with all these and more.

i get to meet more people. cross paths with genuinely nice people, cunning ones as well as bitchy ones. they all make me out to be who i am today and who i will be in the future. they all teach me the values in life. how communication is so important in this world, how language alone can make or break relationships. how food and music make us all forget our differences and bring people from all over the world together. how love and passion and what ultimately drive us.

i travel and it just makes me wonder why world peace is so difficult to attain. it sounds so cliche, "world peace." but it's true. with travelling, i find peace where i go with the people i meet, no matter if they are singaporeans, french, americans, canadians, indians, chinese, brazilians, dutch, romanians, africans, egyptians, australians... they bring so much colour to my life and i can't be more grateful to have met each and every one of them.

being in a completely new environment is, ironically, nothing new to me. it's tough, it's challenging and it makes you vulnerable. but it's the best way to learn the most from a place. to learn the most about how things work there, how you can survive in different environments... but most importantly, it's the best way to connect with the people.

i guess travelling is how i put the peace in this world within me. i collect all the smiles, frowns, exasperated sighs, laughters, hushed whispers, loud exclamations, nudges, sideway glances... and all the music, animals, rustling trees, fallen leaves, ancient neglected fortresses, i collect them all in my little mind capsule and form my own impression of the world from there.

and if you want to know what the world is like, ask. we'll grab a cappuccino and i'll tell you.

a summary

2010-11-08T05:15:00.004+08:00

things i did over the weekend:

1) had xav stay over.

2) went to carrefour and got my radiator!!!

3) also got new leggings at carrefour.

4) went downtown and did some shopping.

5) went to la bastille.

6) did some french homework and learnt some new vocabulary.

7) made nice yummy meals together.

8) watched the latest season of the big bang theory and grey's anatomy (which sucked. worst episode ever).

9) blogged on my onsugar website.

10) paid our sleep debt.

that's about it. the only issue i had during the week was the normal one; that if someone were to offer me a job right now, i'd totally drop out of school and take it. though after much thinking, that would be really stupid. and i am also considering teaching english as a profession in france after i graduate because of the language barrier and also because i rock at this language. c'est ma langue maternelle eh? i'd put up some ads online to teach english and i think i got a call this afternoon. but i was shitting so i couldn't pick it up and the person didn't call me back. =S

anyway, i just hope i'll be able to keep on writing about makeup, skin care and fashion, but particularly about makeup because that's my passion.

xav came over for the weekend and it was nice bringing him around. it was also nice because he helped me carry my radiator home from carrefour (hearts) and fixed it up for me! and and, he brought me a spare mouse from home because i didn't have one! double yay! i really don't know how i managed to survive that long blogging so much without a mouse. oh oh, and he also brought me the chocolate thingy that his grandparents gave me last weekend but i didn't bring it home because my luggage had no space then. triple yay!!! we went in search of a brocante this morning (there is usually one every sunday morning) but today there was none. and the best thing this weekend was that xav was with me the whole weekend. =)))

the weather in the coming week is going to be like singapore but colder. it's going to rain every single day. omg. i hope it won't be windy too!

back from the long weekend!

2010-11-02T05:57:00.003+08:00

whew! i'm finally back in grenoble after spending 4 days in lyon. it was such a great weekend! i watched the social network and i think that those really smart ivy league people belong to another world altogether. i brought my heels and nice clothes cos xav and i were thinking of heading downtown on one of the nights but we ended up staying in. mostly due to poker, in which i won the second night. laundry money. haha.

we also went to haagen daz this afternoon and ate so much that we totally skipped dinner. just being together on a mini date is nice. =)

i haven't been blogging much and i'm on a hiatus on my onsugar makeup blog. oh no... too much work to do but i really don't want to do them! i really prefer writing about makeup and skin care than read scientific papers or study notes that mean nothing to me.

this week is going to be busy for me too! i've got a medical checkup after work tomorrow and i need to get groceries and do some laundry! sigh. i'm already missing xav!

miracles

2010-10-29T02:33:00.001+08:00

this is the best yet from norwegian recycling!!! love it!!!

random philosophical questions

2010-10-28T23:24:00.002+08:00

if love is blind, is that why we have eyes?

study hard, be good to everyone around you, defend youself when necessary, get a job, pay your bills, support your family, have fun with your friends, play with your grandkids. sometimes, travel, cook unorthodoxed dishes just for fun, relax with a bottle of wine, sing songs of yesteryears, dance to the gramophone tune. all of these suddenly seem so... human.

i wonder if any chicken suddenly came upon the realisation that, "hey, i am a chicken. i have feathers, i lay an egg everyday, i have these wings and feet and people like me roasted and without fats," and then go on to decide that, "guess what, i don't want to be a chicken anymore. i want to be something else! maybe i'll go be a cow!" and then realise again, that it can't. and after that, it goes into brooding mode and doesn't stop wondering why in the world it is a chicken.

something about me

2010-10-28T21:29:00.003+08:00

i am quite the lazy achieve-it-all perfectionist. it's not necessarily a good or bad thing; it's merely a description of who i am, partly.

i can say i was always like this, all the way back from primary school. i joined almost every single cca there was in school. librarian (and was head librarian, no less), road crossing monitor, red cross society member, athelete, prefect (got to raise the flags during morning assemblies!!)... if there was something interesting i could do, i'd have done it. damn, i even went to see the teacher personally to ask if i could so join the club even though the deadline to register was over. and i was just 10 years old.

we had the physical fitness tests every year and there were always certain grades for certain level of fitness. of course, being atheletic, i always aimed for the As in all the aspects of that test, and i always got my As. and then one year, i failed. i failed to get an A grade for my 1.6km run by 2 seconds. 2 SECONDS! see, i still remember it till today. all it took was 2 seconds of being lazy or complacent, or just, you know, panting and thinking how hot and bothered i was feeling (whichever) at age 12 and my record was spoilt forever. ever since then, i stopped aiming for As for all the following physical fitness test i was to take.

that's what i mean by "lazy perfectionist." if my perfect-until-now record for anything was broken by some imprefection, i just totally drop the thing like hot potatoes and find something else to strive to be pefect in. over-baking and dropping. and then baking something else. if i'm not perfect in this thing, whatever the thing is at that moment, surely there's something else i'm perfect at.

as of now, though, i have yet to find out what this thing is (though i think it could quite possibly be asking questions that people can't answer).

on a different topic, people who don't exactly know me may think i'm stoic; sometimes devoid of the appropriate feelings towards a situation that renders it; i'm inexplicably withdrawn. truth is, maybe i am but for a good reason.

see, i'm not exactly the girlfriend whom girls go to to discuss their latest date or crush. i'm not the person people go to to talk about their neighbour's laundry. i don't give the "gasp! he did WHAT?!??" reaction to a girl telling me her dinner date decided to go dutch. because at that very same moment your newest guy hang-out said, "twenty-five dollars," some african woman with five kids to raise was getting raped in her own home and quite possibly contracting aids. now that reckonds the he-did-what episode.

i just don't see why some people get so caught up in their own lives and think that everything that happens to them deserves such great attention and debate from others. the more insignificant their annecdotes are and the more they seem to want a reaction from their listeners (god bless their souls), the more i feel inclined to not respond howsoever. yes, so your dinner date made you pay and in your culture and society it's not really nice of him, but he's just another guy to add to the list of guys you've dated and he will definitely (obviously) not be the last. so therefore, why are you so hung up about it?

it not only works towards others, this stoicism that i have. it works on myself too. somewhere in japan, innocent whales and dolphins are getting slaughtered by the thousands and what am i doing, getting annoyed over a slanted scotch tape i pasted on my envelope lid? oh now there's another bubble crease, why can't i paste scotch tape right? another whale just died. oh the world is so depressing.

over scotch tape and whales.

food for thought

2010-10-27T03:12:00.005+08:00

"Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time - when pursued like a bandit - will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair colour to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you're banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you. At some point you have to stop because it won't. You have to admit that you can't catch it. That you're not supposed to catch it. At some point, as Richard keeps telling me, you gotta let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you."

Excerp from "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilert.

what does it matter when two people in the same level of contentment live totally different lives - one in the luxurious hotel suite overlooking the glamourous city down below while the other in a simple cave in a rural edge of the world?

we don't know how to find this contentment. most of us, anyhow. people need to know that immersing in this feeling is not a sin, it's not wrong, and that this is in fact a result of our diligence and effort with time. we avoid it like a plague, like an uncurable disease, without realising for once that this is what we are really living for.

my love-hate relationship with my country

2010-10-26T01:37:00.009+08:00

i get a lot of people asking me questions about my plans for the future. what would i like to do after i graduate? do i want to go back to singapore? do i want to do a phd? and so on and so forth. all the curious ones have been my classmates, coursemates, new-found friends... all those who are at the same stage in life as i am. well, most of them anyway.

and honestly, i can't say i'd love to go back to singapore. i've replied time and again that no, i hope i don't have to go back to singapore to work. "why?" is usually the response i get. well, simply because i don't like it there! "why," again. well, for some reasons.

1) it's too crowded. i cannot live in overcrowded places because i am someone who needs her own personal space. so even if i were able to pick any place in the world to live in, i would also not pick japan and hong kong.

2) i can't be independent there. yes, i'm also someone who needs to be 100000% independent in all the choices i make. i want every decision i make in life to be my own and no one else's. sure, they can persuade me, convince me... it happens everywhere i go with everyone i meet (eg. whether i want to go to a party because someone is going or not) but ultimately the choice is mine alone (eg. i choose not to go to a party even if fun friends are going because i feel like reading a book and nothing more). i don't have to be forced into doing things.

3) it's too expensive. cars, houses, education, just normal daily life.

4) it's too small and the country doesn't offer much career prospects for me. yes, yes, there are a lot of scientific research laboratories ok but seriously you people just do. not. know. the shit that goes on in there ok???? it's an overly glamourised industry right where i come from. JUST, SERIOUSLY, STOP IT.

5) i think that it's a place where i can't move forward in life. things just get kinda stuck. the people i meet, the things i do... they never evolve into anything que je peux de profiter. so, i meet new people at new jobs, at new places, but only to find out that they are so-and-so's good friend or ex-colleague. too fucking small, this place. you never really meet someone NEW and you never really get rid of someone old whom you completely hate and never want to hear of again.

6) i've lived in singapore for my entire life and i really just want to see the rest of the world. i want to experience what mother earth has to offer. i want not only to assimilate into the singaporean culture, but also into the culture of our world. i don't want to be just the bacon in the cabonara. i don't want to be just the beef in the stew. i want to be the bowl that holds everything together and feels a bit of everything all the same. life is too short to be spent cooped up in one place for too long.

7) i like new experiences. i like the challenges and obstacles i face when i'm thrusted into a whole new environment (usually, by myself). it's kind of like me looking for trouble, except that it's not really trouble that i get into. it's a whole new life experience. and it happens again and again and it makes me feel like i have a reason to live. going to canada for the coldest winter months (-30 degrees)? i'll just get a really thick coat and high boots, no problem! living in france where they don't speak english? i'll learn french, no problem! touching a python that's longer than my height? i'll carry it around my shoulders; maybe a slight phobia but still done. if it's something that people have done before and not come out worse than they were before they did it (but in fact better), well, i wanna do it! pushing myself to new limits everyday is what keeps me going, i swear. the day that i find i have no problems to solve or no tricky situations to manouever around will be the day that i find it impossible to live and that my brain is nothing more than just rotting jelly.

my parents had told me, before i left for france, that if people asked me about singpore, i should say only good things about it. but i cannot be true to myself if i do that because singapore is like every other country. there are good things, and there are also bad. i prefer to see myself as an individual and that how people view singapore will be a consequence of how they view me as a person. they said that these new people i meet would think less highly of me if i'd told them how i didn't like singapore, being a singaporean myself. you know, i really don't care what these people think. if they look down on me based loosely on the fact that i don't like living in my own country, i think their intellect is of a more serious issue because just how much would they know? and tell me, do you think people starving in their own countries love their countries so much that they want to live in it for the rest of their lives till they starve to death? i don't think so.

i've also been asked what my country is famous for. the first things that came up in my mind were:

1) kiasu-ness

2) being very metropolitan and multicultural

3) sky scrapers

many times, i really wanted to say "food" too but having seen quite a bit in my experiences and comparing with people from other cultures, it really isn't all that great. sure, we have indian food, malay food, chinese food, western food, european food, arabian food... but guess what? so do other countries. germany is famous for her beer and sauages; france for her cheese and wine; india for her spices. all our food are really adaptations from around the world. i can't think of something that is really just uniquely singaporean. indian curry? hainanese chicken rice? fish and chips? rojak? seriously? our casinos mirror that in vegas and macau. even our singapore flyer is an obvious copy of the london eye. everything that we have, our quirks and all, every country has too. so really, i honestly think there's nothing super duper ultra great about singapore. just because i'm singaporean doesn't mean i'm her homie, you know?

and for the other countries, i think the same as well. i think the same about all countries in the world. certain countries are great for certain things, and not so great for others. for example, education, cost of living, daily stress levels, culture, diet... etc. whether a place is "great" depends on where you place your priorities in life. therefore, regarding my priorities (and i really don't want to get into that right now), singapore is not exactly the perfect place to be.

p.s. one last reason for not wanting to be in sg (and it's also actually my main reason): the freaking weather yah?

letting go

2010-10-26T00:47:00.005+08:00

this post is dedicated to someone.

letting go of a loved one who's died is not easy. it rarely is but it's something that must be done if you want to live a fulfilling life yourslf. with every death follows sadness, grief, sometimes anger and probably guilt. but we must always remember that death is simply the opposite of birth. one cannot exist without the other for there to be continuity in this world.

it's ok to be sad, to grief over this loss. many people have different ways of coping and ultimately we all want to come out better as individuals, to learn something from it. it's ok to miss that certain someone say, 10, 20 years down the road, or even for the rest of your life. but to remain constantly depressed over it for that same amount of time is very unhealthy to a person's mental state. the first step to getting better is to recognise that you are depressed and you want to get out of it, that you're sick and tired of being depressed over this thing that had happened many many many years ago.

letting go of someone who's died is not something you can learn from a book. it's not a mantra-like statement that you chant over and over again to finally etch into your heart. it's not like studying books for exams. it's about living the life you've always had. i mean, if you get depressed for such a long time after the death of ONE loved one, are you going to remain as such for the rest of your life since all of your family members or loved ones are going to die anyway? it makes no sense.

here are some ways that can help you get better but you must remember that the only thing stopping you from being happy is yourself and no one else. no one else.

1) surround yourself with people who bring along good energy. happy, optimistic, motivated people. they don't necessarily have to be close friends. they can be anyone. a stranger on the park bench. classmates working together on a project. the hot dog seller. the toilet cleaner. anyone, as long as they are not those nasty people. nor people who bring with them negative vibes like pessimism and definitely not people who are also depressed.

2) think happy thoughts. think positively.

3) occupy your mind with things. they don't have to be purely enjoyment or work-related. as long as you're always doing something, it helps to clear your mind of thinking about that lost one.

4) when you feel like there's a thought (relating to the dead loved one) coming, stop it. pull yourself together and ask yourself, "do i really want to be sad like a stupid little puppy when crying and being depressed over it is not going to do anything to change the situation?" (note: the answer is no.) and then go do something that makes u happy, like eating a cup-full of ben and jerry's.

5) write your feelings down on paper. most people don't realise the power of emotional release with a pen and paper. it's underrated. keep a diary. maybe get a pretty diary. the cost doesn't really matter if the pretty diary makes you want to fill it with things. my diary is hard-covered with a hot pink cloth for cover. how's that?

6) the last thing i'd recommend is taking pills like xanax (after seeing a doctor, of course, who would prescribe them to you). because first of all, i still maintain the belief that depression is a state of mind and not exactly having your neurons suddenly deciding one fine day not to work properly. i mean, peope don't get depressed out of the blue. they get depressed because of an event that happened that made them sad and they didn't realise that they have been sad for such a long time. and because it has become a habit, it also becomes tough to get out of it. kind of like an addiction. some people have taken pills to counter depression and some have not. and not everyone who took pills came out if it. it really all boils down to how much you want to get out of it because seriously, it drains you. i was depressed once, a long time ago, and i never took any medication for it.

7) talk to people about your feelings. you don't need to go to a psychiatrist. you're not crazy. griefing over a lost one is pretty much normal. let your emotions out to people, to everyone around you. it's ok to be sad. you're human afterall. reach out to others and you'll find that there are many out there who've been through the same thing, or worse, as you. think of the wife who loses her husband on their wedding night. think of the girls out there who get raped and then get stoned to death by their own family members for not being a virgin before marriage. don't you think they have much more reason to be depressed than you do (ok technically the girls who get stoned to death can't feel after they're dead but you get what i mean)?

8) your loved one is dead. gone. you have to come to terms with this fact. and then, remember: they are dead but you are not. you're still alive and you have so much more out there waiting to be achieved. don't give them all up because you're so busy grieving that you can't see that they are there.

so there. just some tips to letting go of a loved one and tackling the depression that comes with it. i myself have seen death. like my beloved cream (my hamster)!!! he was sooooooooooooooo cute and all (and i can go on and on and on forever) but then he had a tumour one day and i was with him when he died. it was just him and me in the tiny room of my hostel. i remember lying in bed while he lay motionless in a corner of his cage, fighting hard to survive the pain. it hurt me to see him like this (it hurts me to see anyone in such undeserved pain) and in my mind, before i finally drifted off to sleep, i stroked his white fur and told him to go. when i woke up the next morning, the very first thing i felt when i opened my eyes was relief. i knew he'd gone to hammie heaven right there in my sheets. till today, i still cry when i think of that scene because i really loved cream (and he was also really cute) but then, i just get over it. no brooding.

i hope this helps. and besides, no one really likes being a character in a shakespear life story.

back in grenoble

2010-10-25T04:25:00.003+08:00

am back in grenoble from a great weekend in lyon! sigh. finally got to meet xav after about 2 months! actually 2 months is by far the shortest time we've ever been apart for, but still.

went to a nice party at hugues place where we almost got lost trying to find his house. that was on saturday night. stayed in bed till about 11am today, so it was too late to go to the brocante. at this rate i'm going, i might as well just use all my nice buys for myself. hahaha.

anyway, my tgv back to grenoble was cancelled so i had to take another train. but when i got to the station, i found out that my train was also cancelled and i'd have to take an "autocar", which is actually a cab shared with 3 other people (and of course sponsored by sncf). it was ok by me. it took a shorter time to get to grenoble than the tgv would have anyway (but the actual cost was somewhere between 250 and 300 euros for that 1-hour trip).

i had a great time overall! did some sports, got my french homework done, got to see xav again, went to a nice raclette party, read some parts of my new book, went to a mini funfair... =)

well, another 5 days till i see them all again! now i gotta recharge for my nanotech week...

stress and languages

2010-10-22T07:02:00.006+08:00

i had a busy day today. had a class in the morning, came home and barely had enough time for lunch, then had to rush off for another class for which i was late, came home again and then left for french class. came home again, checked my mail and found one from sncf which informed me about the strike starting tomorrow till sunday night.

and then i basically freaked out. xav's supposed to be back in lyon tomorrow morning and i was gonna take a night train to see him tomorrow night. i checked on the website and didn't find anything but after a while i found news that my train was cancelled. so i have to take another train. that led me to scouring the website for about half an hour before finally finding a train that was available before my original one, and wasn't too early so that i would be able to actually wake up and catch it.

and this also means i'm going to miss my class tomorrow afternoon. just take it that i'm sick. luckily i don't have to go for the nanotech conference tomorrow. otherwise, i'd only be able to go on saturday and that would so freaking suck.

then after i'd decided to take the earlier train, i got so stressed i had to take a short nap which lasted, in the end, for about an hour. now why was i stressed? because:

1) i had dishes from dinner to wash.

2) i had to clean up the tables.

3) i had to pack for the weekend.

4) i had yet to shower.

5) i had to trim my brows.

6) i had to sort out some school work before tomorrow.

7) my new wrinkles were still not going away and they're not going to ever.

8) everyone's asking me if i have started studying. why do they care??????

9) i was just tired because i hadn't slept enough the nights before.

10) and finally, it was already after 10pm.

anyway. apart from that, i had a good french class this evening. i conclude that at the moment, my spoken french is better than my written and read french. i think i need to read and write more. it's like, everytime i see a whole paragraph of french words, even if it's just a small chunk of 5 sentences or so, my mind immediately switches off after the first sentence. too complicated. too long-winded. just speak to me and i'll understand. i'm too lazy to read. they don't spell out the way they sound anyway. i think reading comprehensions and writing essays are going to be so boring.

and why. why do people seem so surprised when i speak their language? english-speaking people are surprised when i speak english. mandarin-speaking people are surprised when i speak mandarin. german-speaking people are surprised when i speak german. french people are surprised when i speak french. and even i surprised myself (and my friend) when my indian classmate said "no" to me in hindi and i understood (but i think it's mostly cos it sounded like "nein" and yes, she did ask me if i understood hindi after that lol).

what triggered this tiny paragraph above was the fact that my french teacher asked me which country i came from during class today. long story, but in the end, i declared in front of the entire class of about twenty or so students that we speak english (and mandarin) in sg.

you're welcome.

and of course, that entire dialogue was conversed in french.

baby my ass

2010-10-21T03:03:00.003+08:00

i don't know why but i get seriously annoyed when i hear girls referring to their boyfriends as "baby." like, seriously??? baby? BABY?!?!??

do they know what the definition of a baby is? i mean, you call your 6-month-old kid your baby. you call your pet guinea pig your baby. you call your pot of a rose bush baby. you don't call your hunk of a boyfriend baby!!! babies need protection. babies need to be protected. babies need cooing and cuddling and caring and sayang-ing. babies throw little tantrums and make pouty faces. we girls should be the "baby," not the guy!

seriously, how do you like it if other people say your guy is a baby? i mean, come on. other words are fine. other words like... i don't know, darling or honey or sweetie. but not baby!!!!

a baby is a kid! a baby needs nurturing! a baby is vulnerable! a baby needs guidance and parental observation! why do they call their guys babies???? omg. this is killing me.

trust me, i'll never call my boyfriend "baby." it's like calling his down under "coochie coo" or "little birdie" or something of the like. gross and so stupid.

and finally, no, it is not cute.

baby. pffft!

oh, happy day

2010-10-20T21:36:00.003+08:00

i'm a happy girl today because i finished working all my shifts for this month (gonna be 5 working shifts worth of money!!!), i got a very sweet email from the boyfriend, i finished watching all the 4 episodes of the latest season of grey's anatomy, the readership for my onsugar makeup blog has increased, i got to meet my friends this morning and something came in the mail!

elizabeth gilbert's "eat, pray, love."

hola. time for pilates now!

my yummy pasta

2010-10-20T01:35:00.004+08:00

i usually buy groceries when i'm really out of food varieties. this afternoon was such a case of being out of food varieties and i was quite surprised that i actually made pasta that turned out to be really good!

piping hot bolognaise and fried potato cubes.

omg.

it started off with, actually, just starvation. and then boiling of pasta. and then, i heated up this bolognaise sauce (it's got beef bits in it) that i'd bought from the supermarket. and then, while it was on the stove, i decided to slice some of my partially sliced onion in the fridge and added that in. and then, i decided to add in the secret ingredient: an egg. best decision with regards to pasta, i tell you.

i just cracked the egg directly into the pot of steaming hot sauce and onions and mixed it in. broke the egg yolk. had to ensure that it was just nicely half cooked so that it wouldn't harden in the sauce. i also maintained a really low "fire" throughout (i have an electric stove at my place). the result? a nice thick sauce (viscosity of the egg yolk) with tiny parts of egg white that was something like half-boiled. i think you can see that in the closeup.

everyone should try this because it's quick and so, so good!

the potatoes are kind of my staple right now. loved them ever since the boyfriend taught me how to fry potatoes like that. ok, tata!

food cravings again

2010-10-19T16:33:00.003+08:00

i was looking through jamie teo's blog and it really distracted me, what with all the food pictures. i'm in the computer lab being my english tutor self, and i'd originally wanted to read through the scientific paper which i'm supposed to do a presentation on at the end of november. but i need to tell you... what i'm really craving for (in terms of food)!!!

1) mee siam. the non-spicy and sour kind. super yums ok!!

2) sashimi.

3) miso butter ramen. so fattening but oh-so-yummy and satisfying!!!

4) ha cheong kai.

5) the deep fried buns that come with chili crabs. and a little condensed milk to go with them. heavenly!

6) the awesome food at laduree. must. go. back.

7) good old fish & chips. i haven't had any in a long time!!!

8) beef stew from canele.

9) eggs benedict. i've never actually eaten this before but it looks really good in pictures and my sis loves it.

10) the big brunch set at spruce.

11) hainanese chicken rice!!!!

12) char kuay teow and hainanese chicken rice from madam kwan's at klcc.

13) dry wanton mee with no chili.

14) the meepok dry instant noodles. it's the only meepok that i ever only eat.

15) hong kong fried rice.

16) soupy big prawn noodles!!! with lots of soup and lots of mee and no prawn shit!!!

17) and finally, nasi lemak. i don't even usually eat it but i miss it. omg.

ok i can't go any further. need asian food asap!!!

today is a good day

2010-10-19T01:29:00.002+08:00

today is a good day because of a few reasons:

1) i got to wear my new red coat and brown leather gloves out!

2) i finally sent a hand-written note to virgin mobile to say i am cancelling all my orders.

3) i got a new phone and prepaid card!!!!

4) my new purchase, elizabeth gilbert's "eat, pray, love," written entirely in english, has been shipped out and i'll receive it within the week!

5) i ate a yummy croque monsieur.

6) i also bought two croissants but i'm now too full to eat them. gosh, i'm usually never too full for croissants!

7) xav's back from his frisbee weekend so i got to talk to him.

8) we had a good class this afternoon and project discussion with laureline was very productive (thanks siva!!!)

yep, yep. i'm so glad this waiting for a phone thing is over. screw virgin mobile. i have bouygues now. =)

a story about cupcakes

2010-10-17T04:33:00.002+08:00

when you were young, when you were just a kid, you had all these dreams. all these wonderful dreams. like cupcakes on a platter, each a different flavour, each a different colour, sprinkled on the top with colourful chocolate bits.

sometimes, you were forbidden to touch them. sometimes, other kids got to them first. and sometimes, you got lucky and ate them when no one was watching. and surely, one by one, those cupcakes disappeared. first the blue one with white sugar icing. then the pink one with tiny candy stars. and then, the next. and the next.

sometimes, you gave up altogether and either let someone else take it or let it rot - decompose - on that shiny silver platter. you were blind to its disintegration into nothingness. sometimes it was hard to grab that one cupcake and you almost gave up. when you finally possessed it, yet, it didn't seem as beguiling as it did before you held it in your hands.

and then one day it struck you. you had only one left. there it was, sitting right in the middle of that now scratched platter; a contrast between the impeccable, inviting pastry and the dull, tarnished metal that had seen better days.

would you take it, or give it away?

something i made today

2010-10-16T20:36:00.003+08:00

decided to make something i never made before...

before.

after.

i got a little more creative than usual. this was a tomato, an egg, 2 crab sticks and shredded cheese put in a microwave at medium-high for about 2 minutes. it was yums! i guess it would have been nicer if i had added cheddar instead but i haven't been able to really find cheddar cheese in grocery stores here. somehow the french stores have all sorts of cheese (there's one whole section dedicated to cheese) but shredded cheddar is hard to find...

anyway i had fun last night at le rabot. met so many people from everywhere around the world (funnily i was the only asian) and the crepes were goooood! there's a thing going on tonight at the bastille again but i'm not sure if we're gonna go cos it's raining! argh.

ok... so maybe this weekend (or today if the rain stops) i'll get a prepaid card cos virgin mobile is freaking pissing me off so badly i don't ever want to hear from them again. at this point in time, it doesn't even matter if the phone i have looks crappy because it's really getting inconvenient to meet up with people!

bruno mars - just the way you are

2010-10-14T22:26:00.002+08:00

marry this guy.

my favourite city of all time

2010-10-13T03:53:00.005+08:00

i miss being in the states. i really do. i miss it more than my own country. i don't think it's wrong to miss it more because how can missing something be sinful?

i miss the weather. the people. the being able to talk to anyone and everyone there, and vice versa. the different lifestyle. the being skinny while everyone else is fat. the being able to buy clothes in my size all the time even when there're no sales. the outlets. the easy parking. walmart. the fun. the easy-going nature of the people there. the directness and openess in communication.

and nice, aix, marseille, monaco, phi phi, orange county... they are all such wonderful places to visit, such wonderful beaches where the sea and the earth meet. yes i love beaches. beaches are a love story. a beach. it's the only place in the universe where the forlorn lovers of water and land meet. it's the crossing between two dimensions. it's the bridge of sighs.

but my favourite city above all is paris. everything about paris is beautiful. it's the one place where you can never be too dressed up. it's the one place where you can wear your lips red and still fit in. paris is a city that belongs to herself and no one else. beneath it all, in the silence of the night, she is quiet, confident, strong and elegant.

the love of fashion. the love of beauty. and the love of love.

although almost everyone i know who's been to paris quite dislikes it, i can't see why they do. maybe there's too much poo on the walkways but at least the people love dogs and don't ill treat them. maybe it's too dirty. but paris is old. you can't exactly look pristine when you're old. it adds to the charm, this 5 o'clock shadow that resembles an artist's shadings.

paris is a place that creates a sense of yearning in us, the ones who open up to her and to whom she opens up in return. an olden city with golden lights.

i really do want to go back there again.

really random thoughts

2010-10-09T04:42:00.003+08:00

hola! it's weekend! this is going to be a very random post. starting from now.

1) i like the dry climate here because i don't sweat. my skin is like, sensitive to sweat, especially after i shave my legs. for example, when i was in cheerleading in my ntu days, the humidity + shaving before practice = sensitive reaction on my skin during prac = bumps and itch that last for a couple of days. =( also, because it's less humid, there's less bacteria growing all over in general and so i also get less like, dust mite bites or some allergic reaction to bacteria growth. now i don't have to worry about these things and my legs are like, awesome! ha ha ha.

2) i also don't like the dry climate because it gave me a rash on my face.

3) my skin79 face scrub arrived today! can't wait. it smells GREAT.

4) i am craving for asian food! ramen, sushi, sashimi, piping hot dry wanton mee, mee siam, vietnamese pho, ha chiong kai............ piping hot dry wanton mee.........

5) i also miss dressing up to go out! i miss looking pretty and going on a date or meeting up with friends or just to go visit a nice place i've never been to. i miss all that! i miss living the charmed life of a non-student.

6) why do girls take pictures with their heads soooo tiled downwards that their eyes TOTALLY take up the space of that picture? it's like, i can't even see how they really look like so what's the whole point in taking pictures like that? they don't even look nice or cute please! they look diseased or something. like, head got problem cannot look straight up, eyes got problem cannot see in front... siao siao one. you know if you have rabies the first thing to do is to go see a doctor, not take photos of yourself to join a beauty contest?

7) i'm glad my test is over. i think i can pass. but what's important now is i don't let the dates of future tests affect me! tra la la. i'm not a test slave. tra la la.

8) recently, there's been some problem with my typing skills. somehow i always type wrongly and have to backspace and re-type!

9) oh and people are checking my boots out when i wear them! ooh la la! the girls here are so boring... they only wear ankle boots or mid-calf boots. don't they know that these make you look shorter!?!? and they also like to dress all in black. seriously. scarf, top, cardigan, skirt, leggings, boots... all in black on the same person! might as well just wrap themselves up in a black cloth!

ok, bed time.

been a busy week!

2010-10-08T05:04:00.003+08:00

hmm. it's been such a busy week! well, to continue from the previous post, i still did go to the brocantes on both weekend days and to a braderie as well, got my boots (awesome above-knee kind) and managed to set up my blog shop and its first collection.

that took quite a while. and on top of that, i also had to deal with contractors coming into my room to fix the table legs so that the table would be of a proper height with the rest of my furniture, add in some panel for me in the kitchenette, add in railings and the shower curtains as well as an additional light bulb in my bathroom!

of course, i had to study too for the test tomorrow. and i also had to take a french placement test for our first french class today (which i did not go for due to the tram and bus sudden strike). cristiana got my results for the test and i have a b1 level! awesomeness. hope i can get at least a b2 by the end of the course!!

and i just got an email from a professor saying that the class tomorrow morning is postponed. hooray! i can stay in bed for a little bit more. =) been really tired this week from all the work!

and i've also bought my tgv tickets to lyon for the weekend when xav's gonna be here! can't wait! 2 more weeks. just 2 but it seems like forever!

ok, ok. gonna catch up on sleep now. tata!

a test!

2010-10-01T18:37:00.003+08:00

just found out from a classmate this morning that we have a test next friday for one of my hardest course! no wonder she'd asked me early this week if i'd studied for it.

i am feeling a bit insecure. afterall, the last test/exam i ever had was 2 years ago. taking one now feels vastly different. i don't know what it's going to be like. i don't know the format. i've never had homework. i don't know what's important and what's not, and so, i don't know what to study.

i'm not used to taking tests anymore. i'm scared, yes. but at the same time a part of me wonders if this really matters at all. the word "test" was invented by man afterall, so if man had decided eons ago to call it "party" i think we wouldn't like parties quite so much now.

i've had so much time working, earning money, buying things, thinking about things that required no such "tests." i really don't know what to expect at all this time. on my mind, it's always been "what shall i do with my next paycheck?" or "what makeup item should i get this time?" or "what will i do for my next job?" it was never "what if i fail?!?!?!" i was always moving forward, thinking ahead and making plans for the future. it was never stagnant like now. now, with the word "test" in my mind, everything immediately comes to a standstill and will unfortunately remain so till the end of this dreaded thing.

i don't want to live the life of passing from one test to another again. it is not living. it's merely surviving. as students we always thought, "after this test, it will be better." but then it was never really better because there would always be another test. and another, and another.

i think i'm lost also partly because the other students don't seem pretty much affected by tests. or at least during class they are as clueless as i am... but oh well.

and i already have plans for this weekend to go to a few brocantes for my new blogshop and to get some boots for the cold weather!

how horrendous.

a long, rambling entry

2010-09-27T17:09:00.002+08:00

i always thought i'd be a scientist. a good scientist who would make cool stuff and make everyone around me go "ahhh!" but after much consideration, i don't know if i still want to work as one! let me explain.

you see, when i was young, like a small girl whose opinions never mattered to anybody else but myself, i wanted to work with animals. i'd loved animals since forever and i really wanted to work with them. and nature. i was so inspired by what i saw on national geographic-kind of shows that i wanted to be like those people in there, helping animals and doing research on nature conservation and the likes. this wish of mine has never stopped existing.

and then it was time to get into university and there was nothing remotely close to working with animals. veterinarian studies were obviously only for the rich people who could afford to send their kids overseas. nothing like marine biology either. wtf. i wanted psychology but then in the end i took up chemistry since it was the closest to marine biology. or whatever. i mean, if i took chemistry, i could apply the knowledge learnt in other fields, even for conservation research.

and so the years passed. and i worked in the science field for some time. every experience i had was different but they held one same thing: i was doing everything over and over and over again. research. finding out how one factor affected the entire process (not including the time when i worked in forensics). and then i stopped working and started my masters (which is now). i went for lab visits and realised that research would kill me. it would so kill me with boredom. i have decided that i simply CANNOT do the same things over and over again for 5 days or more a week for the rest of my life!

furthermore, the things that researchers do... i mean, sometimes i just don't see the point of it all! i mean, yes, they manage to synthesise compounds with really complicated names and using complicated processes. and then what? et alor? normal people around us don't even really care what they did anyway. they don't even know! i don't see how so super important the thing is that they have discovered/invented. of course i'm not referring to those drugs therapy methods that can cure diseases like cancer or help with aids. those are the important ones.

anyway the main point is that research is boring. i've been there, done that many times and each time it always started out exciting but after months of doing the same thing everytime, i didn't even want to enter the lab. not kidding. yeah, maybe i am good in chemistry (i mean, to be studying my masters degree means something) but i am not the best at it and it's highly probably not what i really want to do in my life.

you can say just stick to it since i've been taught in this field for like, 10 years or even more, but why should i? just because i've been a chemistry student doesn't mean i can only go into chemistry in my career! some people say it's a waste to have studied so much in this and yet do something totally different afterwards. why not say instead that it's been a waste of spending so much time and effort into chemistry when i've been wanting to do something else all along? it's all a matter of perspective and when you can see one side of things, of course there must be another side!

the other alternative to working with animals was and still is related to beauty and appearances. i'd always wanted, since i was a teen, to come up with some solution to tackle people with skin problems and such. i guess that's partly why i went into chemistry too. i finally set up my makeup, skincare and health blog and i believe it's just a small step to something bigger.

if i'm returning to sg to work after i'm done here, i will not go into the chemistry field, as i've told everyone. if i don't return to sg to work, i suppose i still won't go into it. oh well.

it's really different to go back to studying after having worked for a period, actually. it doesn't feel the same anymore. i still prefer working if you'll ask me. for sure, i wanna work than study.

ok change of topic.

i was wondering why asian people used to be slaves of the westerners. and then i thought we probably were never slaves to them, just slaves of ourselves. but why is there this dominance of westerners over asians? i think it's because we're too hard working and not smart enough! like, we always work so hard and we actually want to work hard because everyone else is working hard so we don't want to seem lazy. but for what, sometimes we don't even know. actually, a lot of times we don't even know. but smart people don't always work as hard as we do. they think all these smart thoughts and get results because their methods/plans/strategies work out!

so right, can we all be like, smarter or something? seriously, i never really see smart people work their asses off like not-so-smart people. you can argue that those top people put in lots of hours for their work and stuff, but seriously right, why can't you say it's their passion instead of purely their diligence? you know how passion drives people crazy! it's because they are smart that they are able to do what they actually LIKE doing and if you add two together, voila! you get the winning formula. so all of you who keep telling me to work hard at something i don't like... PLEASE. i've had enough of working hard enough at things that i don't like ok? now it's time i do something that i enjoy doing even for a little bit (and of course get something out of it). if you spend your entire life working your ass off for something you remotely care about, what then is the meaning of it all? pfft. and to prove my point that smart people don't work as hard as not-so-smart people, i'm sure everyone's met the really smart student in class who never studies and yet knows everything the professor teaches. ok ok ok?

ok ok... i'm getting a bit bored now. have to plan what to do today. clean the apartment... and then i have a few options. i'll most probably do a FOTD look and then either grocery shopping or normal shopping to get WATERPROOF BOOTS. but shopping alone is no fun! i'll see if the other girls wanna go tomorrow.

marlene laid a really tiny egg...

2010-09-27T04:39:00.004+08:00

hello! am back from lyon! it was a nice weekend filled with activities! on saturday , i got my nails done with the help of some uv light (read about it on my onsugar blog this coming saturday) and then we went to check out some cool makeup stuff at one carrefour branch outside of part dieu. it was interesting!

and on sunday i went to a brocante in the morning with chloe and hugo. i'm testing to see the potential of setting an online blogshop selling vintage or vintage-styled accessories or bags for babes. it seems good! now i have to decide if i want to put the blogshop up at blogger or onsugar... any suggestions?

we also celebrated norma's birthday (belated) and played badminton afterwards. then i had to pack and come back home. and it was freezing cold!!!! time to get a pair of boots. winter is acoming! i also need to get more cardigans. maybe i'll go to grand place tomorrow!

oh, oh! today marlene (one of the house chickens) laid an egg and it was super small! behold:

tiny egg with normal-sized human hands.

it was the smallest chicken egg i ever saw! what's wrong with marlene! lol, kidding. to her credit, she usually lays normal-sized eggs (i think). anyway for some reason i'm sooo tired. but it was a great weekend! so sad to hafta leave lyon. BUT! i'll be back for sure!

to lyon!

2010-09-25T03:46:00.002+08:00

this has been a busy week! busy but in a good way and now it's weekend! yay! i'll be going to lyon tomorrow morning (i hope it won't be too cold) and coming back on sunday evening. hmm, i wonder if there are braderies or brocantes in lyon on sunday mornings!

i'll be checking out some cool stuff at carrefour tomorrow after a manicure session. i'm excited! and i think soon i'm gonna go party in town with the others. they have an exam on monday omg. wish them lots of luck!

here's also hoping all of you have a great weekend.

wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy... not!

2010-09-21T17:45:00.009+08:00

good morning! that's me just out of bed, not even washed up, and having two strips of crest whitestrips in my mouth. i think i look not bad for someone who's just woken up and never had any plastic surgery (also no photoshop except for adding my blog link!). ha ha. and btw, the strips seem to be working but some of my more prominent yellow stains are proving to be really tough to get rid of.

anyway, the past few days have been rather busy. i had to go through the painstaking process of registering for school (and we all know how bad the french administrative service is all over the country) and some last minute photocopying and mailing of documents. today's tuesday but i have no class on tuesdays (for the moment) so i'm free to go shopping! i'm not shopping for me today. it's for xav's mum and i don't know what to get! oooh, maybe i can get myself the really nice turquoise pullover i saw at the shop downstairs! i wonder how much it costs.

i'm also wondering if i should do youtube vids for my onsugar blog. but so funny right. like, the way i speak in my first vid will be the way i'm gonna speak for the rest of my vids forever! or maybe i should do different accents in different vids to make things interesting. lol. we'll see. =) the coming weeks are seemingly tough and hectic for me in terms of school work.

aiyah! i don't want to do phd anymore. after my masters, i'm calling it quits! anyone in the makeup industry wanna hire me? i actually don't mind being a makeup artist! but for normal makeup lah, not those fancy ones where you can make wounds or scars appear from nowhere. those artsy types are not my kinda thing. just normal prom, d&d kinds. which, actually, all makeup artists can do regardless of their level of expertise. omg. i'm such a failure. have you seen the students' work from IMATS???? i'm considering going for the one in england next year (it's the nearest). it's gonna be an experience!

alright, i'm gonna workout now. have you worked out this week?

friays are terrible!

2010-09-19T21:10:00.004+08:00

i finally have internet at my apartment. france telecom decided on friday to send an electrician over and tadah! internet! awesome ethernet! and as ionela puts it, "now you exist."

spent quite some time on gtalk, my onsugar blog, skype, facebook, blog shops from singapore, twitter as well as blogs of other people and catching up on drama going on in singapore. i'm so happy.

it was actually my worst friday ever 2 days ago. i had a 1.5 hour class in the morning, and then i had a busy and pathetic lunch, and then i had 3 hours of class till 5pm (it was supposed to end at 4.45pm but the professor went on for a while more). and for one of my classes, it was the terribly hard one where i understood nothing at some parts of the lecture and had absolutely NO idea whatsoever on whatever i was writing fervently down in my notes. students you must be smart. just because some other student near you is copying the notes on the board frantically and writing and shading non-stop, it doesn't mean he or she knows everything. or anything for that matter.

so i was soooo tired after that. and then i had to rush home, put down some stuff, and go to a tram station to meet 2 other girls who were supposed to go to ikea with me. but neither of them turned up! i waited for 45 minutes and in the end decided to call one of them to ask. long distance call. FML max ok? and then she told me that she'd told the other girl to tell me that she wouldn't be coming etc etc. and after waiting for about 5 more minutes, i walked home (got some chips at the intermarche on the way). and then that night, while talking to the other girl on gmail, i realised that she had gone directly to ikea to meet me! omg. after that, i was like, ok whatever. i'm just gonna go to conforama on my own the next day to get my stupid table lamp (which i did but that's for later).

but the day still managed to end well. i was gtalking with xav while on my way back (yes roaming again) and to cheer me up, he told me that he'd already booked his tickets to come back to france! =) so happy! a few more weeks and i'll get to see him! =))) and after that, like a few hours later, the internet at my apartment started working! omg. best night of the worst day ever.

and i've just put my clothes in to do laundry and i've got to hand wash some stuff before i put everything into the dryer... and the weather is also good albeit a little cold. it's 16 degrees outside but with the wind it is most likely colder than that. anyhow, i have free natural air conditioning from my window. can't wait for my clean clothes man. lol.

anyway my point is.... i am now back on track! haha. and on saturday, i went to the mall with ionela. i bought my crest whitestrips pro and some other cool stuff! what else i bought:

1) a pair of brown leather gloves from h&m for 20 euros.

2) a light blue faded denim mini skirt but in the form of jeggings... you know? without the buttons and zip... just an elastic band around the waist. that was for...... 6.99 euros from ZARA!!!! omg freaking cheap or what!

3) a basic sleeveless blue and shite striped mini dress from new look for 12 euros.

4) finally, a new belly ring from an accessories shop for 8.95 euros.

so happy! my best buys were the mini skirt and gloves because the skirt was so cheap and the gloves were a pretty necessity.

france telecom, du bist faul oder...?

2010-09-16T22:01:00.004+08:00

you know you're getting frenchified when you meet germans and you want to speak german but all the deutsche woerter have been replaced by french ones. so in the end you speak in a mix of english and french. sobs. 5 years of hard work gone to waste!!!!!!!!!

i'm quite excited. i ordered my phone and mobile plan online yesterday and should receive my phone soon. and, i've also bought my tickets to go to lyon the next weekend to celebrate xav's mum's birthday.

but more importantly, la caserne de bonne is finally opened! this is the area where my residence is located at. it's a very new area in grenoble that's also very eco-friendly. there are shops, a hotel and residences situated all around a tiny little park and playground. and yesterday, the area was opened to the public for the very first time. if you follow my tweets, you'd have seen my angry tweet about drilling at 11pm the night before the grand opening. yes, quite last minute but at least no more heavy drilling for some time now!

i love it at my place so far. when i first moved in, it wasn't as awesome as it is now. the grounds were still gravel and dirt and stones... now it's flat ground that's been properly tarred, levelled and all. also, when i first came, the shops were not completely furnished even though some shop items were already in place. but now, i think 90% of the shops are open, including h&m, monoprix, a pharmacy that sells makeup (like dior and clinique!!!), as well as other exciting shops! i was walking around today and i saw this really nice turquoise woollen pullover that can double up as a dress for cooler nights! i want!

hee hee hee. i am living in the midst of awesome shopping. ok maybe not that awesome but it's still shopping nonetheless. if only they have a sephora here. that would so complete everything.

and no we still don't have internet. i was told today that we are waiting for FRANCE TELECOM to come and plug it in. other than that, the wiring and all have been fixed and are ready. FRANCE TELECOM YOU ARE TAKING FOREVER I WANT TO FAIRE UNE MANIFESTATION AVEC TOUT LE MONDE BLEAH!

anyway, school work is starting. had some courses and one of the two so far is pretty hard. gonna die. and i still have yet to get to ikea to get my table lamp. it hope it works out tomorrow! oh yeah, and i also made an awesome neopolitan sauce for my pasta today. i didn't MAKE the sauce but i made zuccinis and onions to add to it and it was soooo good! bitch to wash up though. and i only have two stoves.

now i need to hmm... print stuff out. *excited*

my apartment

2010-09-15T00:49:00.004+08:00

i am so sick of not having internet at my place. so lucky that place victor hugo is nearby (walking distance). the only thing is that it gets really cold and sometimes windy at night, and if it rains, i can't come since there are no shelters at this park.

so, some pictures of my apartment!

my single-turned-double bed.

standing in the same spot as i was when the first picture was taken and turning clockwise, we have my work station and another moveable table for meals.

clockwise again, we have my tiny kitchenette which i use every single day. it's awesome because it's new and CLEAN.

on the left of my bed is a super almost ceiling-to-floor window with a semi-shade curtain provided by the residence. there's supposed to be another opaque shade outside but they have yet to install it.

and yesterday, i went to this place called decathlon where they sell everything related to sports. i bought my yoga mat! like finally! so of course i wasted no time in doing some pilates today. =)

the view to the right of my big window.

the view to the left of the window. you can see the mountains from my room. it's pretty but nothing compared to the view you get at the top of the bastille. i'll write about that another time!

i hate the lamy residence people

2010-09-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

so i'm in the park again. no internet till monday, they say. i don't believe what they say anymore. how can i, when they keep changing their statements?

anyway i had a great night yesterday. what started out as a meet up with a girl from france and living in grenoble ended up with me also meeting up with a guy from switzerland, some of my friends from romania, some of their romanian friends and some people from italy! in the end, we all had a fun time at the fete de la bastille. some of us wounded up at plan b, a bar downtown. after that i went home. i was supposed to meet them this afternoon but i woke up late and had originally planned to do some grocery shopping. am gonna see tristan in a bit though. probably end up at a cafe or something.

crap. i hate this not having internet thing. i can't transfer money over a secure network (had to do it in my campus' computer lab the other day) and therefore i can't get a phone over the internet. argh, it's pissing me off madly. and i have to put up with stupid people in the park.

ok. gotta go meet tristan. ta ta!

tiny hello

2010-09-09T21:44:00.002+08:00

hello from the campus' chemistry building's computer lab! i know. i should have gotten internet on wednesday but on wednesday when i went to ask, i was told we'd get it on friday. i wonder what they'll tell me tomorrow.

anyway, i am pretty much settled into life here in grenoble. i kinda know where things are, where to get groceries, how the tram and bus system works... and i've also made some new friends! i should have brought my french bank account details with me today so that i can transfer money to it from my posb one. i know... i still have yet to get a cell phone. argh. i'm all waiting for my bank account to have money in it! gross.

ok nothing much else to blog about. i think i will go to the post office to mail my ofii form. see ya!

some updates.

2010-09-04T23:03:00.004+08:00

i'm sitting at the public park again. but this time there's this crazy, and i think drunk, guy sitting beside me. keeps talking to me in french and some very fundamental english. argh. how annoying. i wish he'd go away! it's saturday afternoon and i wanna enjoy the atmosphere! all the families and kids and pigeons and students. there's some kind of flea market thingy going on here too.

hmm. i'm still settling into my apartment and it's going pretty well. the room is huge and i'll take some pictures of it when i'm done cleaning it up and all that.

yesterday i made a trip to carrefour and came home with 220 euros worth of stuff. i bought a shopping trolley bag thingy! it's like a tiny hand carry luggage, but specially for groceries. it even has side pockets to put baguettes in! lol. that was about 35 euros. i also had to get a small dustbin for my bathroom, bedsheets and a comforter, a floor mat to place just outside the bathroom, toilet paper and serviettes (you know, the french word "serviette" actually also means towel in english)... oh! and i bought utensils, a knife, plates, bowls, cups and a pot and pan. i have none of these things and i want to cook my own meals! oh and stuff like towels and garbage bags.

and i also went to get food early this afternoon at the intermarche near my apartment. the normal... brioche, pasta, sauce, instant noodles, cup noodles, one microwave dinner (i love microwave dinners), some tiny tray to put my utensils in, milk and cereals... yums. actually i only went to get food because tomorrow's sunday and everything's closed on sundays. lol.

sigh. i've finally unpacked both my luggages today but i still have more cleaning up of the room to do tomorrow. most importantly, i have to clean the floors! they are freaking dusty from all the construction works going on outside. and after that i can put my mat on the floor outside my bathroom! (argh. stupid guy won't give up trying to talk to me! soooo freaking annoying ARGH! can't he tell i am so not interested and i can't speak french and he can't speak english bugger! and he's trying to guess what i'm doing on my laptop now hahhahaha. idiot.)

hmm. what else... actually i'm waiting to see if xav will come online haha. ok. i've been to the campus and my first impression was that i didn't like it. it's so ulu! near the mountainous area, like ntu at boon lay. ulu and at one part of the island. i guess i'll get used to it.

oh and my residence is still really quiet. not many people have moved in so it's still pretty empty. i wonder when most of the people will come! i'm so bored at home! lol. oh yay. the stupid guy has gone. *phew*

omg i'm so excited. hee hee hee. i half want lessons to start and i half don't want lessons to start. sigh. to have to study when i'm in grenoble is such a bummer. i love downtown! i live quite near it actually, and i can walk there if the weather is nice. oh, oh. and there are new shops opening soon just beside my apartment block! like, even if there's a thunderstorm or snow storm or hurricane i can still go there to shop because it's like, less than 50m away! omg. exciting. yeah the building is still under construction and so is the interior (still undergoing some final works) but the clothes and stuff are already in the store! exciting exciting!

ok i guess that's enough banter for now. xav's not here. and i have nothing to do at home! it's so much nicer outdoors. can't wait to meet my classmates on monday. till then!

in grenoble but...

2010-09-03T01:46:00.003+08:00

omg. i am in agony. i've just moved into my residence today and set up a bank account as well. but other than that, nothing. my room is still dusty because it's new and i haven't got rags to clean it up with. i love the apartment though, it's really spacious and i have my own microwave and awesome bathroom. and best of all, everything is NEW. spanking. brand. new. even the fridge is brand new. like, it came with all the scotch tapes still attached and the insides are soooo clean omg!!!

anyway, back to why i'm in agony. there is no internet in my residence until next wednesday and today is only thursday. fuck. to. the. max. OKKK???? how can there not be internet? omg. yeah so how come i can blog? well, look:

From Blogger Pictures

i am blogging in a public park in grenoble, in the centre of the city, using the free public wifi. omg. desperate measures. so yeah. my bank account is set up and i have to do something on the internet before i'll get my credit card. and tomorrow i've to go to the campus for some admin purposes. and then i guess i'll head to carrefour (which is super far from my residence) to get lots of stuff. ok tata! now gonna concentrate on talking to xav. =)

last day in lyon

2010-09-02T03:38:00.002+08:00

last day in lyon before going to grenoble tomorrow morning. i wish i were already there. doing my facial mask didn't help to make me feel happier! boo to that. well, at least i got to read my new book and packed my things and tidied the room a little.

omg. this is terrible! =( i think i shall upload an album for biarritz on facebook.

the man's off!

2010-08-31T23:10:00.005+08:00

sent the boyfriend off at the airport this morning with hugo. now the house feels deathly quiet and kind of empty (although i'm not the only one here). it's terrible! everytime he leaves or i leave, the first few moments always feel terrible. it gets better but it's always the transition state to "feeling ok" that sucks.

argh. i wish i were already in grenoble and settling down in my new residence! at least there'd be alot of things distracting me. and at least i'd be meeting new people as well. eurgh.

we went downtown again yesterday after he played squash with his brother. and i got myself another sophie kinsella - twenties girl. started reading a couple of chapters and i think this book will definitely cheer me up. saving it for after this blog post and for tomorrow, when i'll really be all alone!

hmmm. i already miss our "croissant time," which is around this hour. booo! oooh, we watched les poupees russes yesterday after dinner and it was better than l'auberge espanole. i laughed more at the sequel.

argh. this feels terrible!!!! =(((